“Who cheated you and told you you had a nice singing voice?”

I laughed. I was wandering around my mom’s house, singing Christmas carols.

“Why, you didn’t like my beautiful version of Jingle Bells?” I responded.

“No, it’s awful.”

We both laughed then.

“Hey mom, how come you never give me any compliments?” I asked.

She paused for a second, and thought about it.

“Because you always do it first,” she replied. “You compliment yourself before anyone has the chance to do it.”

She had a point.

When I Talk To Myself

Every morning, the first thing I do upon waking is head to the bathroom. I usually catch a glimpse of myself in my underwear, at which point I stop for a moment.

I look at my reflection, admire my body, and rub my tattoo. Then I suck in my gut, flex, and convince myself I am damn handsome.

“Yea, that’s pretty hot. I’m ripped.”

Then I smile and go about my day. To the uninitiated, this may seem like a random narcissistic moment. The truth is much more fun.

It was good self-talk. And it’s designed to help my confidence.

I didn’t always say such nice things about myself. For years, my self-talk was positively wretched.

“I’m too thin. I’m ugly. I’m boring. I’m not funny. Women don’t find me attractive. I’m going to die alone.”

These are things I used to tell myself all the time, and it’s pretty scary when I look back at it. How is a geek supposed to function, if he only says bad things about himself?

Bad Self-Talk

I’ve written multiple posts about how no one was interested in me when I was at university, and about how I got turned down by 60 women, and how it shattered me. But let’s take a step back from that narrative for a moment.

What if I was wrong? What if someone really was into me, and I didn’t notice?

My good friend Emilie recently pointed out that we all feel unloved and unattractive at some point.

In the comments section of this old post, she had this to say:

“I bet there were girls who would have dated you, only you didn’t even consider them options because you just assumed they were out of your league or discounted them for some other reason.”

She’s probably right. Looking back with this new perspective, I realize I may have missed out on many opportunities.

In fact, one night at university, our whole class went out to dinner. I was seated opposite a really cute, sweet girl, and we hit it off. After food and drinks, we grabbed the metro home together, and she walked almost all the way to my house with me.

Wow this girl is fun, I thought. Too bad we’re just hanging out as friends. If only she were into me.

So I gave her a hug and I went home alone. Years later, I look back and can’t believe I did that. She basically walked herself to my apartment, waited for me to invite her up, and I didn’t see it.

Why? Bad self-talk.

I was so used to not liking myself, and telling myself that no one else liked me, that I inadvertently made it so.

Self Esteem Picard

That’s what she said

Body Image and Self-Talk

I’ve had body issues my entire life. I don’t talk about it much, so I guess I’ll let the cat out of the bag now: I’ve never loved my body.

We’ve been constantly at war over the years. When I was younger, I felt too skinny, especially when I looked like this:

Yes, I’m wearing a Rock Lee outfit. It was a Ninja party!

Now that I’m older, and have put on weight, I feel like I have too much belly fat, and not enough chest and arm muscle.

The main difference between how I used to feel about myself vs how I currently feel, is how I address it.

When I was young, I would think “I’m so skinny, it’s hideous.”

Now I think “You’re eating too much junk food Rami. Tighten up that diet, and hit the gym, you’ll be looking sexy in no time!”

Can you spot the difference?

In the first example, I used to actively make myself feel bad about the way I looked. 

Now I tend to go for a more balanced, realistic approach. I recognize the parts of myself that I’d like to change, and give myself some much-needed encouragement to get there.

It’s still not perfect, but it’s a damn sight better than what it used to be.

Also, notice how I speak to myself in the third person? When I self-talk, I don’t use the word “I”. Instead, I talk to myself as if I were speaking to another person. I thought this was a fluke, but turns out it’s scientifically proven that speaking to yourself in the third person is really beneficial.

It makes you more likely to be supportive, and give yourself a break. It also gives you a bit of distance, so you can talk to yourself about what you’d like to potentially change, without being harsh and judgmental.

Practice Good Self-Talk Regularly

Some of you geeks want to get in shape. Good for you!

Some of you geeks want to meet girls. Good for you!

Some of you geeks want to win more videogames tournaments. Good for you!

In order to hit your goals, I recommend a strict regimen of Good Self-Talk.

The powerful thing about self-talk is it’s tied very closely to identity. The more bad things you tell yourself about yourself, the worse you’ll feel about yourself. As we saw with my university example, it’ll also subconsciously affect your decisions, and make it so that you miss out on opportunities because you don’t feel worthy.

Conversely, the more good things you say to yourself about yourself, the better you’ll start to feel. 

It’ll also give you the boost you need to accomplish things that you otherwise might not have been able to.

So stick to good self-talk. There’s enough negativity out in the world, and enough people putting you down, that you don’t need to add any fuel to the fire.

If you wanna feel bad about yourself, just watch the news.

The Good Self-Talk Challenge

I like feeling good about myself. I like using Good Self-Talk. Occasionally though, I stray, and make myself feel bad. I’m not perfect, after all.

To help stay on track, I’m challenging myself, and you too, to one week of good self-talk.

The challenge is simple:
-every time you catch yourself giving bad self-talk, you have to give someone a dollar.
-you must immediately rephrase it as good self-talk, in the third person, and encourage yourself.

Believe me, it’s not easy.

I started doing this yesterday, and to my surprise, I already gave away three bucks. I guess my self-talk wasn’t quite as positive as I thought it was, despite writing an entire blog post about it.

The question is, what’s your self-talk like?

Hello there.

I’m back.

It’s been a while, and I almost let go, but you wouldn’t let me.

Shall we have a chat, like in the golden olden days?


When Life Gives You A Good Year…

2014 is coming to an end.

I had an awesome time, without fulfilling many key goals I had set for myself.

See, I always promised myself that when I was 30, I was going to have a book published. I turned 30 in January, which meant that by January 2015, my book should’ve been out in the world.

Suffice to say, here we are on the cusp of 2015, and it hasn’t happened. I’ve been rejected by every agent I’ve approached so far. Tough crowd, eh?

I also failed at a couple of other things this year, like bulking up strongly at the gym, or getting more readers for my blog.

But you know what? I succeeded at a bunch of cool stuff as well.

Here’s a quick list:

  • I had the best 30th birthday ever.
  • I travelled to Thailand in the middle of winter and spent a week on the beach.
  • I got my first tattoo.
  • I hooked up with 4 women in 7 days.
  • I felt like an egomaniac because I hooked up with 4 women in 7 days.
  • I finally went to EVO, and placed pretty well.
  • I bought myself my very first car.
  • I created an amazing Wolverine outfit on Halloween.
  • I was able to bench press heavy free weights despite my elbow injuries.
  • I finally bought a new couch.

And a few more things that I’ll mention in upcoming posts.

In sum, it’s been a good year. Yet at the end of October, I stopped posting here for a bit. What the eff?

the best there is at what I do

The best there is at what I do


I Owe You Geeks An Explanation

By mid-2014, I was feeling a bit restless with my blogging. My next book was itching to be written, and to be honest, my posts here were getting a little predictable and boring. How many more times could I give you the “7 best pickup lines” or the “top 3 fails when meeting women?”

It all gets kind of redundant after a bit, you know?

The truth is, I’ve written everything you will ever need to know about picking up women, from what to say when you meet her to getting her number. It’s all covered right here.

And so I began to lose interest in what I was writing about. At the same time, I also began to lose interest in picking up women.

After hooking up with four women in the first week of April, I got all the ego validation I would ever need. How insecure do you have to be to need more proof than 4 women in 7 days?

I was done. My methods worked. But I still wasn’t any closer to meeting someone I wanted to date. I began going out to clubs and bars less, and really just enjoyed spending time with my friends more.

When I began going out less, I began writing about it less. This blog is funny like that: unlike other instructional or coaching blogs out there, it’s very much a reflection of where I am in my life.

Where I was, at the end of October, was boooooooored.

I am the hulk

I am the hulk. Notice the T-shirt?

I Took Some Time Off

So I stopped writing. I decided to take a break, and get my head on straight, and see if there was even a point to continuing to write something I wasn’t very interested in.

One week later, I received an email from a reader. He was having trouble approaching women, and asked me for some advice on getting a date. After giving him a play-by-play, not only did he go out and get a girl’s number, but they made out at the end of their date.

Hurray! I felt pretty good about that one. While basking in the glory of his success, I receive an email from another reader who needed help with his girlfriend. I sent him some advice too.

“Damn,” I thought. “I guess people do need my help.”

So I began writing brief snippets of advice again. I’ve compiled them in a nice list, and will be turning each of them into blog posts over the next few weeks.

Heh, I guess I’m back. There’s just no escape from you geeks, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Bring on 2015

This year, I’ve decided to commit to posting regularly again. One post a week, regardless of what it’s about, for 52 weeks.

Rather than posting only about meeting women, I’ll be posting about all of my other interests again. This includes self-help, videogames, and ridiculous yet important things, like how to choose the best couch on a budget (seriously, it’s not easy).

More importantly, I’ll be posting from the heart again. I can’t do soulless posts to get traffic. I don’t care if it’s the right thing to do in terms of SEO. This blog is my hobby, not my job, and if I don’t feel something at the end of every post I write, then I’m not doing it right.

I’m still trying to figure this whole thing out. Get guts, save the princess, and win at real life is much harder than it sounds. I think I’m one third of the way there. Let’s see how far I can get this year.

So here’s to 2015. It’s going to be a fun year, just like all the ones before it.

Join me for the ride? (and sign up for my mailing list?)


Protip: wear sunblock in Thailand

Protip: wear sunblock in Thailand

P.S. Did I mention that I have a girlfriend, and that we’re in an exclusive relationship? Tune in sometime in January for a post about that!


Ah Halloween, the holiest of all holy celebrations.

It’s the best time of year for everyone: kids go door-to-door and get free candy, and parents dress their kids up in whatever ludicrous costume they find funny.

More importantly, single men can approach women at bars and clubs and it doesn’t get awkward.

In fact, I’ve had more success on Halloween than on any other night of the year.

Let’s talk about how to pick up girls on Halloween.

Sexy, not Spooky

Halloween is brilliant because everyone leaves their inhibitions at home. When people wear a costume, they tend to shed who they are for a few hours, and embody the spirit of whomever it is they’re wearing.

Jeff the geek becomes suave secret agent James Bond for the night, and will channel some of 007’s confidence. He’ll make more eye contact, will order martinis, and will become instantly sexier.

Tina the marketing exec becomes a sexy nurse for the night, and will flirt more because of it. She’ll feel more at ease with the way she looks, and might even make the first move on guys she finds attractive.

The rationale is this: it’s not me, it’s the costume.

I personally think it’s brilliant, and get the feeling that people really let loose on Halloween. It’s like they become more extreme versions of themselves.

Jeff’s always wanted to be confident. Tina’s always wanted to be more flirtatious.

This is their chance.

5 Tips to Help You Pick Up Girls on Halloween

Based on my last few Halloweens, I’ve come up with a list of good tips to help you geeks out. It’s worked for me nearly every one of the last 4 years.

Step One: Pick the Right Costume

For the most success, you should have a costume that either makes you look damn sexy, or attracts a lot of attention.

The sexy type will include the phantom of the opera, or a fireman, or some crazy body paint. The key to this one is to have something that covers up your face.

It’ll make you instantly more interesting when you talk to women, and will give you an air of mystery that will drive them crazy.


The attention-grabbing type involves costumes that are instantly recognizable, and stand out for being hilarious. Last year, I was an Angry Bird, and believe me, I got swarmed all night.

We did a group costume, so the club was filled with random Angry Birds and King Pigs. Every woman I spoke to was giggling. Plus, my face was mostly hidden, so the women that were interested in me were constantly asking me to take my mask off.

I refused, and made them even more curious.

Step Two: Pick a Good Party

Too often have I seen geeks with incredible costumes (leftover from Comiccon!) show up at tiny house parties with 6 guests.

Dude, if you want to pickup a girl on Halloween, you need to increase your odds as much as possible. You do this by going to a big party with lots of strangers, not your best friend’s house party where you already know everyone.

The ideal venue:
-lots of people, or high turnover of people,
-you can hear each other speak,
-everyone’s in costume,
-everyone’s getting drunk.

Don’t go to your grandma’s Halloween party.

Do go to the big event happening at your favorite club.

Step Three: Have a Good Opening Line

Everyone loves it when you try to guess their Halloween costume. When you guess wrong a couple of times, it’s hilarious. And when you guess ludicrously wrong, it’s an opening line.

The way to do this is as follows: walk up to any group, pick the girl you want to talk to, make eye contact, and say “Hi. Let me guess, your costume is…”

And then guess something ridiculous. Last year, during Breaking Bad fever, I guessed that every girl was “Walter White from Breaking Bad.”

If she had a friend, I would guess her friend was “Jesse from Breaking Bad.”

It was a riot! Worked every single time, and I had a blast.

So guess her costume wrong. It’s an easy way to get a laugh and get the ball rolling.

Step Four: Roleplay


Sadly, this is a real thing

When people dress up, they often embody the costume they’re wearing. There are two aspects to this tip.

First, whatever she’s wearing, you should definitely play along with it.

If she’s a sexy nurse, tell her your hand hurts and you need her to heal it. If she’s Walter White from Breaking Bad, ask her how she feels about her son Jesse.

And if she’s a sexy corn on the cob, tell her you’re butter.

Second, you want to have fun with your own character. If you’re dressed as The Terminator, and she asks you what you do for a living, be nonchalant and talk about the Terminator movies.

“Oh, you know, the usual: I came back from the future to assassinate John Connor and make sure the robots rule the world. Then I changed my mind and decided to protect him instead. Did you know that one time I rode a motorbike and reloaded a shotgun with one hand?”

Step 5: Don’t Waste It!

Some guys go out with the express purpose of getting laid on Halloween. That’s a totally valid goal.

The problem is, what happens if you fail? What happens if you planned to go out and pick up a girl, and end up with nothing at the end of the night? You’ve just squandered one of the most fun nights of the year.

Don’t waste Halloween man: life’s too short.

Instead, try going out with this attitude: I’m going to look fantastic and have a blast with my friends. And if I happen to see some cute girls in superhero outfits, I’ll say hello and see if we hit it off.

It’s a win either way.

Putting It All Together

So there you have it, the best tips to help you pick up girls on Halloween.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret: all the tips I’ve given you can be used to just have a fun night, if you remove picking up girls from the equation.

Remember geeks, Halloween only comes around once. Enjoy it!

Happy Halloween,



Dating-at-the-Movies-2-400x267Until the age of 23, everything I knew about dating, I learned from movies.

It was great! I learned about buying her flowers, taking her on nice dinners, showering her with love and affection, and happily ever after.

My movie education worked out so well, that my virginity basically had time to grow back over the course of the three years since I lost it. This is because movies aren’t real.

“What?!” you say in mock surprise. “Everything I see on the big screen doesn’t work in real life?”

No my son, it doesn’t. Allow me to enlighten you about the reality of dating in movies, in today’s first edition of Lies Movies Teach Us About Dating.

Movie Lie #1: The Big Finish Will Make Her Love You

Movies tell us the best way to show your love for someone is to blow her mind with a big surprise. Two dozen roses delivered to her workplace, her name painted in the sky with a propeller plane, or maybe you just chase her to the airport before she leaves town and tell her she’s the one.

Whatever you choose, it’ll solve your problems and make her love you.

Check out this magical example:

Movie Examples: Heart and Souls, Ten Thing I Hate About You, Love Actually, The Wedding Singer, Garden State

Is it true? NO!

In high school, I remember having a crush on this cute girl. I didn’t know anything about her, except that I thought she was sexy, and she gave me warm fuzzy feelings in my stomach when I spoke to her. So on Valentine’s day, I grabbed a long cardboard tube, stuffed a red rose in it, and took it to school. At lunch, I went up to her, smiled, and said “this is for you.”

She opened it, blushed, and… appeared extremely embarrassed and uncomfortable. She mumbled a thank you, then ran away as fast as possible. She then proceeded to ignore me for the rest of the school year.

The problem with this movie approach is that it gives men the wrong idea on how to attract someone. It tells you that it’s not about who you are, it’s about what you do.

Worse still, it tells you that you can completely fuck up any part of your relationship, but if you rent a hot air balloon and take her for a ride one day, problem solved.

The truth is, attracting a girl is much more complex, and solving your relationship issues begins with communication. You should probably cancel that dinner reservation, and maybe sit her down for a proper talk instead.

Try instead: if you’re trying to fix your relationship, multiple regular small gestures, like loving texts, date nights, small weekend getaway surprises, are way better than the one grand gesture because you fucked up. If you want her to want you, try dating her like a normal person, instead of stalking her with crazy stuff.

Movie Lie #2: Friend Gets the Girl

Ah, the dreaded friend zone. The place from which geeks constantly try to escape, to land in a girl’s pants. Or worse still, the place geeks get into with the intention of getting in her pants.

It seems like every movie out there shows a random geeky dude, who’s friends with a hot babe. Eventually, they fall in love. This is destiny.

I see a lot of geeks imitating this in real life.

“Why not?” they think. “It’s only a matter of time before she falls in love with me. I do everything for her: I take her to dinner, I pay for all her things, I carry her groceries, I help her move, I give her my shoulder to cry on when she breaks up with someone… Of course she’s going to fall in love with me eventually, and realize I was the one all along.”


Right. And I’m going to find out the spider that bit me last week was radioactive, and now I can shoot webs out of my ass.

Here’s a scene from Zack and Miri Make a Porno where Zack lays it all on the table for her.

At least they got the ending right, where she tells him it didn’t mean anything.

Oh wait, no they didn’t. He comes back and they live happily ever after.

Movie examples: Zack and Miri make a porno, Just Friends, The Wedding Singer, He’s Just Not That Into You, That Crappy Movie With Jason Biggs, Every Teen Drama Ever EVER.

Is it true? NO!

In my early twenties, I made friends with a cute girl. We would go out for food, have drinks together, and go to parties together. When I made my intentions clear, she said “but we’re friends.”

After that, I stopped wanting to hang out with her, and she wondered why. The reason is simple: I was an asshole.

Kids, don’t try this at home. When you become a friend, it’s because she likes you as a friend. More importantly, it should be because you want to be her friend. Don’t hang out with her and help her out and be her shoulder to cry on if your ulterior motive is to stick your P in her V.

Similarly, if you’ve been friends for ages, and she hasn’t felt any attraction to you yet, it’s never gonna happen. Don’t believe it will, just because it happened to Jason Biggs or Seth Rogen or Ross from Friends. Real life doesn’t work like that.

If you’re in the friend zone, chances are you’re stuck there. Read this to avoid the friend zone from now on.

Try Instead: get over it, get out there, and meet someone else.

Movie Lie #3: The Makeover Gets You Laid

How many times have you looked in the mirror and thought “if I had better hair, I’d get laid more?”

Or “all I need is to get in shape?” or “once I get this dream job, all the ladies will want me?”

I see this is movies all the time: who you are sucks right now, but if you make some quick cosmetic changes, you’ll instantly become desirable.

You just need a someone with a brilliant sense of style to show up and show you how to look infinitely better. Then, the moment women see the new you, they will all want to make sweet sweet love to your penis.

Movie Examples: Crazy, Stupid, Love, The Nutty Professor, Larry Crowne, Superman, Grease 2

Is it true? NO!

First off I’d like to mention that looking good helps. Geeks, by all means, please learn to dress better, groom yourselves. Please get in better shape, and take more care of what you put in your body. These are all Good Things™. No one will fall in love with you at first sight if you look like this:



So looking good will help. But remember, it’s not enough.

If all it took to get the girl was being well-dressed and flashing some cash, then every time I go to a club, I wouldn’t see a bunch of handsome losers in expensive suits standing around two magnum bottles by themselves.

The new suit and haircut will help get you in the door. When you talk to a girl, she’ll be more likely to stick around if you look well put together.

But after that? If you don’t have anything captivating to say, she’s outta there.

The problem with this movie trope is that it encourages exterior changes instead of interior ones. In real life, the best combination is to do both.

Trust me, making some changes in how you approach women, how you view them, and how you view yourself, is much more potent than a new suit. But for maximum effect, do both.

The reason I love Crazy,Stupid,Love is because after Steve Carell gets his makeover, he still manages to fuck it up with a cute hairdresser by opening his mouth and saying something ridiculous.

That’s when Ryan Gosling decides to also teach him how to talk and act, which is what we should all be doing.

Try Instead: well, this one’s more like an “and” than an “or”. Learn to talk to women, and get her number, in addition to learning to look good.

Space Invaders

Alright folks, that’s all for this edition of Lies Movies Teach Us About Dating. I’m thinking of making this a regular monthly column. Let me know if you dig the idea in the comments, and feel free to email me if you have any movies you want me to talk about.

About 7 years ago, I was in a committed relationship with a woman I was madly in love with.

One night, I was at a party thrown by a couple of students I was teaching, and they decided to get me nice and drunk. While we were hanging out and doing shots, I was approached by one of their friends, a beautiful Moroccan girl.

She was absolutely stunning: almond eyes, olive skin, and full sensual lips.

She introduced herself to me, and we hit it off immediately. As the night went on, the gang and I kept drinking and having a blast.

Midway through a conversation, the Moroccan girl puts her arm around my neck, and touches her lips to my ear.

“I want you to know you’re yummy,” she whispered.

Uh oh.


The Low Down

So you’re dating someone. You’re in a loving, committed relationship. You’re monogamous.

But you like to go out and meet women. You like flirting, and the chase, and getting a girl’s number.

Plus, now that you have a girlfriend, you’re instantly way more attractive to every woman out there. It’s like they can smell your unavailability and they want you all the more for it.

So you’re considering being a bit unfaithful.

Here’s how you go about cheating on your girlfriend:


What the hell is wrong with you, you goddamn animal? If you were in front of me, I’d roll up a magazine and swat you with it.


A Tale of Woe and Treachery

I was cheated on once.

It was a long, long time ago, and was one of the most devastating experiences of my life. As a caring, easy-going person, I trusted my girlfriend very deeply and completely. I never once questioned her actions, and never wondered if she was banging someone else.

When you’re in a committed relationship, one of the most important factors is trust.

You have to be able to trust your partner with your emotions, with your vulnerability, with who you are on every level. You have to trust that she knows a lot about you, some of your deepest fears and darkest secrets. You have to trust that she has this power, and she won’t hurt you with it.

And of course, vice versa.

She trusts that you’re not going to fuck someone every time you go to a party. She trusts that your female friends are just that: friends. She trusts that when you committed to her, you were being honest.

The moment you cheat on someone, the instant you cross that line, you’ve destroyed the trust.

And you will never recover from it.

Every time you go out, she’ll wonder if you’re doing it again. She’ll wonder if your friend is really your friend, or someone you’re having an affair with. When you’re unreachable for a little while, she’ll suspect the worst.

Wouldn’t you, if the roles were reversed? I know I did.


The Line

Speaking of lines in the sand, you need to clearly define yours.

When I commit to someone new, we have the talk about boundaries very early on. If we’re monogamous, I let her know that getting physical with someone else is off the table. Sex or kissing is considered cheating.

My boundaries aren’t the same as everyone else’s though.

Some couples I know are ok with kissing other people. Some have arrangements, where it’s ok to have sex with other people, as long as there’s no emotional attachment. And some couples I know are full on polyamorous, where other people are welcome in their relationship.

My favorite monogamous couple defined it as this: don’t do anything you wouldn’t be ok with me doing. They have extremely similar boundaries, so it works out for them quite well.

Why It’s Important To Have Experience

Some men I know suffer from the power that comes with having a girlfriend. Before, when they were single, they had no game. Women wouldn’t even look at them. The moment they’re partnered, they start getting attention.

This eats at you, until eventually you start to want to act on it. Often it’s because when you were single, you didn’t hook up with enough girls, and so you really want to try what’s out there.

Well, tough shit buddy. You’re with someone wonderful: don’t mess it up for two minutes of sex with a hottie. It’s really REALLY not worth it. Not even for a threesome, or that pepto bismol thing you keep wanting your girlfriend to do.

Funnily enough, the most faithful men I’ve known are the guys who were insane players when they were single. I was once out with a friend of mine without his girlfriend. Halfway through the night, two girls threw themselves at him and suggested a threesome, and he didn’t even bat an eyelash.

“Whatever,” he told me. “I’ve had threesomes before. These two chicks aren’t worth it.”

He’d been around the block enough times to realize what he had was magnificent, and he’d never want to risk it for something silly.


But let’s assume you do.

Let’s assume you made a mistake, and you crossed a line: making out, flirting, sex, whatever the boundary was you agreed upon. I hate myself for saying this, but don’t tell her.

Don’t you do it. EVER.

You made a mistake, I hope. It was a momentary lapse in judgment. And it’s never going to happen again, ever. So you sweep it under the rug, and you live with your guilt. You realize you’re an asshole, and shame on you.

Also know that I, personally, am pissed off at you, and hope you feel like shit.

You never tell her, because she deserves better than that. You make it up to her without her ever knowing, and you treat her well because of it.

If she were to find out, you wouldn’t just be ruining your relationship, you’d be messing her up for a long time, potentially even forever.

Because once you get cheated on, guy or girl, you end up with that little voice in the back of your head that nags you in all subsequent relationships, and makes you ask two horrible questions: do I really believe they’re being faithful?  Do I really trust my partner?

Yummy In The Tummy

“I want you to know you’re yummy,” she whispered into my ear, sliding her arm around my neck.

I paused, stunned. No woman had ever been so direct with me, so bold, before this moment. Especially not one as hot as this.

I put my hand on her arm, and gently pushed her away.

“Thanks,” I said. “But I have a girlfriend.”

“So what? She’s not here.” She gave me a coy smile.

“Yea, but I still have a girlfriend. And I don’t mess around with what I have. Ever.”

Her smile faded then, and she looked disappointed.

I smiled at her, and grabbed a drink.

I had used my powers for good, instead of evil, and damn if it didn’t feel spectacular.

A geek goes up to a girl at the bar, and tries to get her number.

She doesn’t give it to him, and he walks back to his friends, feeling silly.

Most people call that failure.

You know what I call that?


Practice Makes Awesome

When I took a bootcamp with Mystery, and learned to approach women all those years ago, he told me I needed to practice. I understood the concepts, but I needed to go out a lot and approach thousands of women, to really internalize the inner workings of the dating game.

He was right. I ended up going out 4 nights a week for 6 weeks, and approaching about 25 women a night. That’s 100 women a week.

When the six weeks were up, I slowed down a bit, because that’s a ridiculous amount of women. I went out twice a week after that. And I’ve been doing so for nearly 4 years.

That’s a lot of practice.

People often ask “what’s the point? If you’re not going to get into a relationship with any of these women, why are you going out, getting numbers, going on dates, and hooking up with them? Is it a numbers game?”

It’s a strong question, and I’ll give you the most honest answer I can.

Besides the obvious benefit of getting regular sex, which is pretty sweet, I’m practicing.

Socially Acceptable Practice

We live in a society where practicing social dynamics is often seen as repulsive.

People don’t like it when they’re being used for target practice.

Unfortunately, we don’t always have the choice. It seems like it’s ok to practice writing, practice music, practice video games, but for some reason, the real world frowns on people practicing dating.

The exception to this rule is youth. If you’re in your teens or early twenties, people just say “oh, they’re young and dating, they’ll figure it out when they get more mature. Now’s the time to make mistakes.”

Well, fuck me, but I missed that boat.

For some of us less fortunate, less attractive, less naturally charming people, that didn’t happen. I didn’t practice with anyone when I was younger. I was too shy, too embarrassed, too un-charming. My idea of getting a girl was to invite her on a series of expensive dates and fawn all over her like a puppy, at which point she usually lost interest.

Not exactly the stuff of romance novels.SONY DSC

I used to go out and see all these women that I wished I could talk to. I would often zone out and daydream about how seductive I was. I’d imagine a brilliant conversation, where if she only had the chance to hear me speak, she would fall madly in love with me.

Then I’d sip my drink, and stand around, and some other guy would get the girl. I’d always go home alone, wishing I had actually said something. I needed to get out of my mind, and into the real world.

I decided to make a change just before my 27th birthday, which is really late in the game. And at that point, I had to start practicing, with people.

It’s difficult, because you have to actually have to test the limits of what you’re learning on other humans. They might not like it, but what choice do you have?

If you spot a cute girl at the coffee shop, and imagine how a conversation is going to play out with her, then actually approach her… chances are the conversation is going to unfold completely differently than what you thought. We’re all way smoother in our heads, aren’t we?

So you have to go out there, confront reality, and bother some women to learn. It’s not easy, and you’re going to get rejected a lot. Ya just gotta do it.


People Will Tear You Down

Since I started on this quest to get better with women, 4 years ago, I’ve lost a few friends, most of whom were women. Lovely people, whom I respected very much. They didn’t agree with the messages I’ve been sending on this site, and would engage with me in heated debates over what was and wasn’t appropriate.

I learned something very important then. As it turns out, women love being charmed, romanced, and seduced. But they want to believe it happened naturally.

No one likes to be told that they hopped into bed with you because of some calculated moves you pulled. It makes them feel used.

The truth is, when it comes to humans socializing, nothing is natural.

Those guys that are good with women? They learned it somewhere, usually through trial and error when they were younger, or by emulating a male family member that was getting good results.

Those guys that are shit with women? Geeks like me? We learned bad behaviors.

Luckily, there are dating coaches out there, who are willing to help you fix those behaviors.


So Get Practicing

I’ve been intimate with more women in the last 4 years, than in all 26 years of my life before that. Thanks to my practicing, things ended on good terms with each of these women. I was always honest with my intentions, and never tried to lead anyone on.

Some of them I hooked up with. Some became my lovers for a while. One special woman became my girlfriend, if only for a short while. All of them I respect, and wish only the best for.

So get out there and practice. If you’re not sure how, check out the Getting Her Number guide. It’s going to be difficult, and messy, and you may lose some friends along the way. But man, being able to take control of your love life makes it all worth it in the end.

This year at EVO 2014, I sponsored the Tekken Casino.10527776_889026581114144_4899894550111110533_n We rented a room at the hotel, and played games on 6 different setups, while also streaming some matches.

While taking a break the first night, I noticed a tiny kid walk into the room, grab some cookies, and then give a player some tips on how to beat Bob.

That same little kid ended up playing a match against Katsuhiro Harada, the creator of the Tekken series, later on that night.

I had a chance to hang out with his father, Rey Michael Escanio, for an interview. He answered some great questions about teaching his son fighting games, which I’m really pleased to share with you all today.

Rey, how old are you, and when did you start playing fighting games?

I’m 35 right now. My first fighting game was Mortal Kombat 1. I was still a teenager in middle school at the time, 8th or 9th grade. I then played Mortal Kombat II, and stuck with the series til 4. In ’94, I started playing Tekken, and it’s been my favourite game since.

When did you get started with the Fighting Games Community?

Technically around Tekken 3, although the first major I ever travelled to was in Texas for Tekken 4. It was TiT 5.

When did you get married?

She and I were basically friends for years, and started dating in 2003. We were together for a year before we got married, and in November 2005 we had our first child. My oldest son Matthew, aka King Rey Jr.

He’s 8 years old now.


How did Matthew get into fighting games?

When I had kids, I had no intention of getting them into fighting games. With him it was special because I would practice, or my friends would come over for casuals, and from an early age, he would stop whatever he was doing and come watch. He wouldn’t move until we were done. By the age of 2, around the Tekken 5:DR era, he knew all the characters in the game, and if someone took Mokujin, he could recognize who it was based on the stance.

So when I realized he had that type of memory, I started teaching him movement, blocking, and throwing. When he was 3, I started teaching him strings, and by the time he was 5, he knew enough that I entered him in his first local tournament.

He didn’t win any rounds, but he had a good time. He played casuals after the tournament for about 5 hours, and afterwards, he came up to me and said “hey dad, can you teach me combos?”

I taught him, and a few months later we went to another event, where he won his first round.

What made you guys decide to go to EVO?

This was actually the first EVO for either of us. I haven’t had an opportunity to go until now. Coming into this year, I had planned to take him to EVO, but when they announced it wasn’t going part of the lineup, we were both kinda bummed and decided not to go.

When they announced it was back, we scrambled to make it. I created a Twitter account for my son, and my sister stepped up and made me a deal: if I could get him 200 followers, she would sponsor him to go to EVO. We did it, and we went.

We had a great time.

What about Matthew’s match with Harada?

We were in Tekken Casino, and Michael Murray and Mr Harada were taking questions on stream, when someone in the chat asked if they could see Mr Harada play on stream. They started thinking of who he would fight, and Bronson Tran stepped up and said “there’s an 8-year-old kid dying to play, let’s get him on.”

My son won 2-0, but it was down to the last round each game. He was a bit nervous, and it makes sense. I’ve never been as nervous as I was during EVO, and went 0-2. My son did better than me, he did 1-2. So I know if he was less nervous, and dropped less combos, he would’ve won more against Mr Harada. But he had fun!


How do you manage your son’s time playing fighting games vs doing other kid stuff?

You have to stay active with your kids. I put my son in baseball, I put him in soccer. He plays lots of organized sports, as well as video games. He plays games at home, but that’s because he’s an honour student. If it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t allow him to play.

That’s the deal we have, he keeps the grades, and he can play. It also gives me leverage if he acts up, because I take the games away. It means enough to him to straighten his behavior up quick.

But you know, he loves to be outside, he loves to compete, and he gets that from me (laughs).

Do you set a time limit?

As far as the time limits go, I tell my kids, including my 5-year-old daughter, as long as they do their chores, and keep the grades up, I have no time limit on them playing games.

When it’s time to go to bed, they shut it off, when it’s time to eat, they stop and come eat. As long as they follow the rules, and hold up their end of the bargain, I have no issues with them playing games.

I believe games are a way to make people better problem solvers, and help you learn to deal with adversity. When it comes to the competitive side, it also teaches you how to handle losing. It was an issue with my son at first, when he would lose he would go hide under a table.

What did you do to solve that?

You have to kind of explain how to handle those situations, it’s a learning experience. How do you handle a loss, how do you learn from it, how do you go forward. It takes time, especially when kids are young, because they don’t grasp the concept of losing and learning from losing. They just see it as losing, they don’t see the benefits that come from it.

By teaching Matthew to be a more graceful loser, he’ll be a better winner when the time comes, and will be able to handle that situation better as well.

Do you think you’re creating the next generation of games?

Maybe (laughs). The FGC is evolving, and new gamers are appearing every day. My son will be part of that new generation.

Be sure to follow KingReyJr on Twitter, to keep up to date with his progress.

A few months ago, I discovered a super cool service called Loot Crate. If you’ve never heard of it, it’s a subscription service that sends you cool geeky stuff every month, from collectables to clothes.

I was curious about it, and emailed them about sending me a sample, which they did. Unfortunately, I was a lazy bum, and between travelling to Evo and attending weddings and bachelor parties, I didn’t get around to reviewing it until now.

I’m also giving away one month’s subscription to Loot Crate as a freebie to you geeks. Skip to the bottom of this post if you wanna know how to enter the draw.

So, here’s a list of the cool gear they sent me in May, which has been locked in a box until today.

Loot Crate Theme: Adventure!

Every month, the Loot Crate comes with a specific theme. The month of May 2014: Adventure!


Before I begin, I’d like to give a brief tip of the hat to their packaging. Somehow, they managed to fit a ton of crazy stuff inside a box that’s barely bigger than a book. Truly a box of containment, if ever there were one. It also comes with a Konami code at the bottom of it. Extra points from me.


The first thing I did was pop in the CD that came with it, entitled “The Friend Zone” Soundtrack.


I thought it was hilariously appropriate, considering the subject matter of this site. I’ll admit though, I was a bit worried it would sound like some cheezy pop from hell. Imagine my surprise and happiness to discover it’s actually pretty good bitpop. I looked up the CD on Amazon, and found it actually retails for $8.99. Pretty sweet.

Next up, the Legend of Zelda T-Shirt.


It’s extremely well-printed on a high quality cotton tee. I wore it for a day, and washed it, and it still looks pristine (albeit a bit wrinkled, but that’s my fault). It also fits very well, and is totally something I’d rock with a blazer at a club. Really happy with this one.

Some people like saving the best for last. I say fuck that. This next one is by far the coolest item I’ve ever seen. At first glance, I thought it was a Magneto helmet of some sort. I flipped it right side up, and the truth was revealed.


It’s a keychain bottle opener with the original Zelda store printed on! Incredible. The number of times I’m going to use this over a Montreal summer is ridiculous. Hell, I’m going to a picnic this Sunday, and I guarantee I’ll be opening everyone’s beer. Worth the price of the crate for this item alone.

Next I looked at the blind box collectables.

The first one was from Minecraft, which I’ll admit, I know nothing about. I opened it up and found… a pickaxe! It’s… awesome? I don’t know.


The second box was from everyone’s favorite freaky cartoon, Adventure Time! The box itself is humongous, and made of tin, so super useful for later. Guess who I found inside?


BMO!!!! What a happy guy.

Finally, I looked at the stickers and tattoos. I’m not a fan of this kind of gear, but I figured some of you might be, so I took a picture. Enjoy!


Get A Free Loot Crate

In conclusion, Loot Crate is awesome.

And because I love you guys, I’m giving away an August Loot Crate to one of my readers.

To enter the draw, you have to do two things:
Like My Facebook Page,
-Sign up for my mailing list (the yellow box below).

If you’ve already done both, you’re automatically entered in the draw.

Good luck homies, I’ll email out the results to my mailing list in a week! And thanks again to the awesome peeps at Loot Crate.

There is only one context in which you are allowed to call your girlfriend, wife, or partner a slut.

One context in which you can call her any other kind of normally horrendous word.

That context is during sex.

Let’s talk about dirty talk.


What IS Dirty Talk?

I love dirty talk during sex. I love it. It’s one of my favorite things to do. I’ve dirty talked many woman I’ve had sex with, and many of them dirty talked back. It’s great.

What exactly is dirty talk?

According to Wikipedia, it’s “the practice of using graphic word imagery to heighten sexual pleasure before and during physical sexual activity. It is commonly a part of foreplay, and can include vivid erotic descriptions, sexual humor, sexual commands and rude words.”

Thanks Wikipedia. Dirty talk is all those things you say during sex that turn you and your partner on.

I like to see it as a spectrum: on the one end, there’s “nice” dirty talk. You describe what’s going on, tell her what you want to do to her, and probably won’t cross a line. It’s safe dirty talk.

Example: “I want to bite your neck and pin you down while I take you.”

On the opposite end, there’s the really nasty stuff, where you completely degrade your partner, or she degrades you, and there’s lots of normally forbidden words, like “whore”, “slut”, or “carbs”. Example: “I’m going to fuck your mouth like a nasty whore,” or “I’m going to feed you this bread even though you’re on a low carb diet.”

And then there’s everything in between. All forms of dirty talk are viable options, and what you decide to go with depends on what you and your partner are comfortable with.

Which brings me to the second point of today: communication and limits.

Dirty Talk Works Within Limits

We were in bed, making out and tearing each others’ clothes off. I was telling her all the nasty things I was about to do to her, and she was loving every second of it.

“Yessss,” she panted. “I want you to spank me.”

“That’s exactly what I’m going to do, you hot little slut,” I replied.

She paused for a second, narrowed her eyes and looked at me.

“Did you just call me a slut?” she asked, frowning. Uh oh.


“Don’t do that again.” Then she shoved her tongue in my mouth.

Phew, crisis averted. I got lucky that time. If she wasn’t so into it, that one word could’ve killed the vibe and ruined the great sex we had.

That’s why communication is so important.

Everyone has different limits on how far they’re willing to go. It’s ok to press yourself right up against that limit, get real close to the glass so to speak. But it may not be ok to break through.

If your partner says “I’m really into being called everything, just don’t mention the word whore”, you’d better respect that. It’s how you build trust, and the comfort to explore new things.

Respect your partner’s limits.


Check-in regularly

How do I know what my partner’s limits are? Not all of us are comfortable having the talk about limits before the first time we have sex with someone new.

I myself don’t usually bring it up the first time I have sex with someone. But I do talk dirty on the first time. How do I do it, without crossing a line?

Here’s an easy, no-danger way to go about dirty talk with someone new.

During sex, initiate the dirty talk, and keep it mild, like that Friends example I gave you earlier. Don’t call her any names or get too kinky with it. Stick with describing things like what you want to do to her, what you want her to do to you, and keep it mostly vanilla.

Then, once the sex is done and you’re both basking in the afterglow, check in with her.

Ask her if she enjoyed the dirty talk. Find out if she wants it to be kinkier, or if you need to dial it down a notch. You can even get specific, and see if she’s ok with you using certain words.

Whatever you do, don’t go overboard right away and start talking about that depraved thing you like with the cornucopia, two bits of string, the llama, and Pepto Bismol. It might not go over so well.


Here’s another protip: don’t expect her to like certain things because of her appearance. For instance, many guys expect women with an alternative look (tattoos, shaved head, etc) to be really nasty in bed. Bullshit!

Always start slow, then check in to confirm. You’ll be surprised at what you find.

Years ago, I hooked up with a woman that I can only describe as a staunch feminist. She was all about fighting the patriarchy, empowering women, and creating safe spaces for people to express themselves.

It was a serious turn on for me.

When we got in bed, imagine my surprise to discover she wanted to be called a “worthless cunt” and degraded to the point where even I was uncomfortable. I eventually got into, and we had a grand old time. Then when the sex was done, we were back to talking like normal people.

Conclusion: check your expectations at the door, and check-in with your partner.

Create a Safe Space to Explore

So why am I bringing up dirty talk today?

Believe it or not, it’s a really easy way to help your sex life. Science has show multiple times that women respond really well to aural stimulation (see what I did there?). So stimulate her aurally.

The thing is, there’s a lot of taboo around dirty talk, especially if you do it wrong. It’s important, therefore, to establish clear boundaries about when it is and isn’t ok to do the dirty talk.

Part of the fun of sex is creating a safe space where fantasies can be explored, without judgment and fear.

Normally, in a good relationship, there is love, trust, equality, and caring between you and your partner. But often these things that are so desirable in a relationship have no place in the bedroom.

I don’t want to be equal in the bedroom. I want to take charge, and dominate, and get aggressive, and really let loose on all the animalistic impulses that course through my veins on a daily basis.

There’s no room for equality when someone gets tied up and spanked.

And so we come back full circle to today’s title: the word “slut”.

I’ve fallen madly in love with women that I’ve called “slut” in the bedroom. But when we’re in everyday life, being equal human beings, I would never, ever, EVER use that word to describe her.

Because using the word “slut” during sex is part of the fantasy, the scenario. It’s part of what I like to call “play”. All bets are off during play, “slut” is reappropriated to be part of her or my fantasy, and that makes it ok.

However, when you’re not playing, it becomes a wretched word, one that I feel has no place in the English language: all it does is make someone feel bad.

In sum, call your girlfriend a slut if it turns her on during sex.

Don’t use it any other time.

Got it?

How likely are you to enter a relationship with a woman keep-calm-and-wait-for-sex-6you had sex with on the first date?

Would you date a woman who made you wait a month before having sex?

Should I wait for sex or just move on?

I answer all of these questions and many more in this week’s podcast post!

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Jay Mayo, the founder of Right To R.E.A.L. Love.

He interviewed 3 dating experts, including me, and asked us all the same questions. The viewpoints we give are varied, hilarious, and pretty insightful.

So should I wait for sex?

Check out the podcast and find out:

And if you’ve got a minute, give Jay’s site a visit! 

He’s got a bunch of interesting podcasts, and I love the fact that he never forces one opinion down the listener’s throat: he always showcases a variety of viewpoints and lets you guys decide which advice you want to take.