Hey Rami,

There’s this girl I like. She’s got a boyfriend and he sucks, and she likes me a lot. But she also thinks I’m a player. Like an idiot, I might have just proved her right, because I got quite drunk at a party we were both at, and hooked up with another girl at that party. She then got mad at me for hooking up with someone else, even though we’re not dating.

I’m a bit confused. What do I do?

Winfred

**

Dude, thank you so much for the question. I turned it into a blog post, because I know a lot of geeks end up in a similar situation. The discussion we have could end up helping many of them out.

She has a boyfriend

Let’s start with the basics: this girl has a boyfriend.

In case you missed it, she’s not dating you: she’s dating someone else.

As a ground rule, if a woman is seeing someone else, you don’t owe her anything. Any judgment she casts on you doesn’t matter, because you’re not her boyfriend.

She doesn’t have the right to stake her claim on you, or prevent you from hooking up with anyone else.

As is, you know what you are to her? Her backup plan.

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Sure, things may not be going well with her boyfriend, but what are you supposed to do? Sit around holding your balls hoping she’ll dump him for you? Please, you’re worth more than that.

I know you’ve been reading my blog for a while. This means you’re interested in self-improvement, which is a big deal in this modern world of watching TV and doing nothing after work. You’re working hard on yourself, and becoming a better man. You’ve got a lot to offer.

Plus you’re a geek, and that makes you rad.

The only thing is, you’re probably falling into the nice guy trap, where you cringe when a woman gives you the stinkeye or says something mean to you, even when she’s wrong.

Who’s the real bad guy?

The problem with this type of girl is that she’s not an overtly bad person. She hasn’t cheated on her boyfriend with Winfred. No secret kisses, or behind the back love affairs going on.

Thus it’s easy to think she’s a good girl in a crappy relationship, and her boyfriend is a bad person. That’s why Winfred said, and I quote, “she’s got a boyfriend and he sucks.”

But you don’t know that for sure, do you? If he sucks so much, why hasn’t she left him yet? Curiouser and curiouser.

It doesn’t matter what she tells Winfred, how much she loves spending time with him, and how great hanging out with him is. These are all merely words.

Her actions reveal the sad truth about her. She wants the affection Winfred is offering, without giving him any commitment. She’s also cheating emotionally on the man she’s dating.

This is a perfect situation of someone trying to have her cake and eat it too. She’s got her boyfriend for sex and dinners and whatever. She’s got Winfred when her boyfriend doesn’t treat her well.

You know what Winfred has?

NOTHING.

okay-guy-meme-place-to-stay

He gets empty promises. He can’t hold her, kiss her, have sex with her, or get emotional support from her.

All he gets from her is the jealous treatment if he goes for another girl. So, in fact, I was wrong. He does have something: a jealous woman who doesn’t want him to hook up with other people, but doesn’t want to commit to him either.

Isn’t that wonderful?

What you need to do

Alright Winfred, back to you my friend. You asked me what you should do, and I will give you an answer.

You need to cut her out of your life, for a few reasons.

First off, if you’re hanging out, and you like her, you’re not going to be meeting anyone else. That’s a problem, because you’ll be pining after someone you can’t have, and might miss out on another wonderful girl that’s into you (and doesn’t have a boyfriend, which immediately makes her better than this one).

Second, if she hasn’t had the balls to leave her man for you yet, it ain’t gonna happen. And if she does, and you end up dating, will you trust her knowing that she left her previous boyfriend for you? Or will you constantly be worried that when things get rocky, she may leave you for the next Mr Nice Guy with a shoulder to cry on?

So, end it.

Look her in the eyes, and say this:

‘I’m not your boyfriend. You already have a boyfriend. I’m not waiting around for you to decide that maybe you’re going to break up with him for me. I’m worth more than that, and I deserve better than to be your backup plan. If you were single, and over him, we would be talking about getting together. But I will not be your “just in case”.’

Then move on with your life. And for the love of baby Mario, stop falling for girls that have boyfriends.

If you want to become more confident with women, and find a lasting relationship, enroll in my Level Up Your Dating course.

298 comments add yours

  1. There is this girl. She really likes me but has a boyfriend. I just ran a couple miles to her house last night when she was home alone. but all we did was talk the whole time. And a goodbye hug at the end. When I got home we started talking about what she wanted to do with me when I was there. But she said she couldn’t because of her boyfriend. So we got in a mini argument last night. I told her to stay with him and i know she will make the right choice when the time comes. Him or me. Then I asked if I was gonna see her tomorrow. She said yes. But the next day. I didn’t see her. And I texted her. And she won’t reply. What do I do? Do I wait for her to respond because I might have made her mad or upset. Or talk to her.

    • Leave. Leave her. Leave her alone. As I’ve said before: “I’m no ones plan B. Either you choose me or you lose me.” Trust me, I’ve been there. It never works. Just move on.

  2. Feel a bit stupid, but need to get this off my chest. I was in a relationship for 6 years and never got back into dating after this ended and am now totally lost with the whole meeting girls thing.
    Hoever theres a girl i met the end of last year who works in the office where i work and we got chatting at the bus stop and really got on well. I was so happy and felt so lucky like this was finally my chance.She sort of hinted a couple of times about doing something together but i froze at these times and didn’t say yes or no (Even though i really wanted to so bad). We kept talking and i ended up buying her a xmas present (something i’d never normally do) and she was so happy. I really built myself up over the xmas break to ask her out when we went back to work but i over analysed the situation so much what if …etc..and still couldn’t till february came, and i was ready, i seen her after work at the stop and was about to ask her and her friend just came out of the blue. The girl i like introduced me to her friend but her friend just turned her back on me and started talking to the girl. I know the girl i like i think felt bad about this but we never really seen eye to eye properly again after this (my fault as i just didn’t feel completely comfortable around her anymore and we both gave each other mixed signals at some points) but over the months my feelings haven’t died at all for her and i’ve been beating myself up all this time as she has tried a few times to break the ice again in between dating other men (temporary visitors from work) but i’ve been ignoring her because i feel stupid for the way i’ve been acting. But she has still been giving me mixed signals too). Anyway she has finally started dating a guy in work who works there permanent this week a couple of times, and it’s really hurt bad.(I know it’s selfish and am not proud) I am however happy that shes happy and really hope everything works out for her as i like and care about her so much! Just wished it could have been me (If i had the balls to do something about it). I know its a pathetic story (guess thats the result of not dating any girls for ages since last) and i’m not after sympathy or anything.
    I just want to know what the best thing for me to do is now? I’m in the warehouse so i can keep out of the petty much every day apart from the odd occasion when i have to into the office for some reason. If i do by accident see her and make eye contact, which is inevitable at some point should i smile to try and let her know i’m happy for her or would she think im just trying to get her attention or give her mixed signals? (Obviously i would smile and say morning if i walked past her but as i would with anyone but that’s different) .I just want to make things as easy as possible for her now (fogetting my own selfish feelings). I now i’ve been an idiot with this situation and am going to get some grief but it’s nice to get it off my chest and i would really appreciate your advice good or bad please? Thanks

    • Karl, I’m going to be honest with you buddy: you fucked up. First off, never buy a gift for someone you’re interested in, unless you’re already dating. You can’t buy affection, you need to earn it.

      So what happened was she and you were sort of hanging out and she was giving you signals. Instead of taking the opportunities she gave you, you froze or backed out. That’s ok. You were in a relationship for a long time, out of practice, whatever.

      The thing is, it’s been almost a year since then. She wasn’t going to wait around for you forever, you know? You had numerous chances to make it with her and you didn’t take them. Now that she’s found someone else, you feel bad inside.

      Well, you should feel bad, but not because she’s dating another person. You should feel bad because you missed a ton of opportunities, which most guys don’t ever get. So you need to think back on this period, and use this as fuel to make sure you don’t miss any opportunities again.

      This is a turning point for you. You can either:
      – keep feeling bad, and secretly hope she breaks up with this dude, and then if she does, secretly hope she asks you out, and if she does, freeze again. Because you didn’t do any work on yourself except for hope and dream, right? So why would your reaction be different next time around?
      or
      – you can use this as a learning experience to change. Next time you see her, stop and say hello. Talk with her for a few minutes, and break the ice. It’s not about potentially hooking up with her, it’s about being a regular human that’s used to socializing, and not freezing in situations with someone you’re into. Then go out into the world, and meet someone new. Use online dating, go to parties with friends, go out to bars and clubs, whatever you need to do, but meet new people. Create new opportunities. And seize them as they appear.

      Remember, there’s no such thing as a failure, as long as you learn from it. You didn’t screw up with her, because you didn’t know any better. Now you have the knowledge to make a move, so next time someone gives you signals, make a move! The outcome will be very different. Maybe she’ll say no, but at least you’ll know for sure, instead of being hung up on someone for 9 months, right?

      You’re in a good place right now, having sought out help and looking for resources to improve. Keep it up.

  3. Hello, i met Guy A at school, he’s soo handsome. I was a freshman, he was a senior. He approached me first, he would always speak to me all the time and i would get chills in my body whenever he comes to speak to me. He told me I was attractive and we became friends. One day he asked if i had a boyfriend, i told him I did, but my boyfriend is acting funny lately, so he didn’t pursue me afterwards and we continued to be friends. My boyfriend and I broke up later on, and I was now single, and I wanted to go out with the guy, i never told him i was single, but I was a intimidated, i’m used to guys coming to me and asking me out first. I didn’t want him to think I was trying to hit on him so I just kept silent. I would always tell my friends how handsome and cute he his. I just couldn’t mustard the courage to tell him i liked him. I was thinking to myself, “he probably has a girlfriend, he wouldn’t be interested in me” I talked myself out of it and ended it settling for another guy who became my boyfriend that same year, but I still wanted to Guy A’s attention on me. So Guy A graduated, i saw one of my friends giving him a hug, i pushed her off, and gave him a hug, i was bit jealous, i still had feelings for him but at the same time I still had a boyfriend. Later on he contacted me on social media saying He had a crush on me since we both met and wanted to date me but he didn’t tell me because i had a boyfriend, which is understandable. I told him how much i liked him to, and when he graduated, i was sad and regretting. I was wondering if he had got married, left town, had a baby, I wondered if he forgot about me. I was still in a relationship when he reached out to me. He was telling me he was leaving the city, but secretly i wanted him to stay. Later on, me and my boyfriend break up. Again, i didn’t tell Guy A, because i want him to come to me. I saw Guy A post a photo of a beautiful girl he took a picture with, she wasn’t his girlfriend and me being jealous and insecure. I sent the girl a friend request to see what she has that i didn’t have. Guy A’s brother approached me and asked me out. We messed around and we ended up having sex. Guy A finds out about it and confronts me and asked why did I tell him i liked him and then go out with my brother. I made up excuses, i told him “your brother approached me more than you, he asked me out more and I figured you lost interest in me and i thought you had a girlfriend. I told him i cannot go out with you and it would be wrong.” Little did i know, he didn’t have a girlfriend, but i was afraid to ask him. I felt bad, i didn’t know how to feel about this. So a few months later i ran into him at a hotel, we talked about what happend and he told me he still have feelings for me, I told him “to not give up hope on me too fast. You never know what will happen in the future” He asked for my number and i gave it to him. He still insisted to go out with me and I told him i’ll think about it. In reality i was giving him false hope. I ended up being in a relationship with someone else. I was leading on Guy A, i couldn’t tell him i was in a relationship, he was being needy and obsessive over me, he didn’t have much going for himself. i was lying to him, he would text me, i wouldn’t respond, he would call, i wouldn’t answer, he left me voicemails and a message on facebook, I wouldn’t reply, I never heard from him again. I saw Guy A’s Twitter account and I followed him, but he never said anything. later on I followed his other twitter account, he didn’t say anything.

    I haven’t seen or spoke to Guy A in 7 years. From what i heard, Guy A is financially well off and is doing well for himself. Sometimes i wish Guy A would speak to me. I’m wondering if i had settled, would things be different if i was with Guy A? Did he forget me? Its like i don’t want anyone else to have him. so many questions i’m asking myself now. I’m not sure how to deal with this. Any advice would be great. Thanks

    • Hi Ginel,

      I made a quick list of what you described in your message.
      Check this out:
      – Guy A asks you out
      – you reject him for the first time, and tell him you have boyfriend
      – you become single, but don’t tell him, and expect him to read your mind and ask you out
      – you get another man
      – you get jealous when Guy A gets attention from another woman, but you don’t give him any attention
      – he tells you he likes you
      – you reject him again, and tell him you have a boyfriend. That’s twice.
      – you become single, but don’t tell him, and expect him to read your mind and want you. That’s twice also
      – you stalk him on Facebook
      – you have sex with his brother
      – you become single, but don’t tell him, and expect him to read your mind and want you. That’s three times.
      – You reject him for the third time.

      Do you see a pattern here?

      Three times this guy asks you out, three times you reject him. Then when you’re single, you magically expect him to decide to ask you out again, even though every other time he’s been rejected?

      And now you want my help to win back this guy? I can’t give you that help in good conscience. You need to take a step back and realize that you had many opportunities to get exactly what you wanted, but you decided not to take advantage of those opportunities. In the real world, romance doesn’t work like in the movies. You have to be honest, and go for what you want.

      My advice for you is simple: next time you want someone, you act like an adult, and you ask them out. You don’t expect them to read your mind, and pursue you even after you’ve rejected them multiple times. You don’t fuck their brother, you don’t date someone else, you don’t lead them on, and when they finally offer you exactly what you want, you don’t ignore their Facebook/Twitter/Voicemails/Texts.

    • Shots fired but for real though you are right man. Just want to say thank you for helping out all the fellow brothers in need of advice. I might need some myself someday who knows. A lo of respect to you man. Keep it real and stay safe all!

    • Shots fired but for real though you are right man. Just want to say thank you for helping out all the fellow brothers in need of advice. I might need some myself someday who knows. A lo of respect to you man. Keep it real and stay safe all!

  4. Hello, I read your article and I’m really confused for the situation I’m in. So I like this girl who is a senior and I found out that she likes me after she had asked me to escort her for the Homecoming royalty assembly at my school. So the next day after the assembly we went to the football game. I knew she was single that night but I didn’t man up and ask her out, so she kinda started hanging out with this guy on my soccer team who is also a senior. The next day we had a game and one of the teammates invited the team to a party including the girl I like. At the party she’s hanging out with the guy even more “closely”. Then on Monday she asked me to go to her football game. After the game I became even more suspicious and jealous of the guy so I ask one of my friends and they end up texting the girl. My friend said that she said that she does like me but she is dating the guy because he had asked at the party and she thought why not give him a chance. I’m confused on whether I should tell her that I like her back or if I should wait until they break up but this is pretty much a now or never situation. What should I do?

    • This is an updated version for some more specific details.

      Hello, I read your article and I’m really confused for the situation I’m in. So I like this girl who is one of my close friends but is also a senior and I found out that she likes me after she had asked me to escort her for the Homecoming royalty assembly at my school. So the next day after the assembly we went to the football game. I knew she was single that night but I didn’t man up and ask her out, so she kinda started hanging out with this guy on my soccer team who is also a senior. The next day we had a game and one of the teammates invited the team to a party including the girl I like. At the party she’s hanging out with the guy even more “closely”. Then on Monday she asked me to go to her football game. After the game I became even more suspicious and jealous of the guy so I ask one of my friends and they end up texting the girl. My friend said that she said that she does like me but she is dating the guy because he had asked at the party and she thought why not give him a chance. I’m confused on whether I should tell her that I like her back, if I should wait until they break up, or if I should risk our friendship at all but this is pretty much a now or never situation because she is graduating at the end of the year but I’m graduating next year. What should I do?

    • I forgot to mention that she is one of my close friends and I was wondering if I should risk our friendship at all? Please answer these separately. Thank you.

  5. Hello, I read your article and I’m really confused for the situation I’m in. So I like this girl who is one of my close friends but is also a senior and I found out that she likes me after she had asked me to escort her for the Homecoming royalty assembly at my school. So the next day after the assembly we went to the football game. I knew she was single that night but I didn’t man up and ask her out, so she kinda started hanging out with this guy on my soccer team who is also a senior. The next day we had a game and one of the teammates invited the team to a party including the girl I like. At the party she’s hanging out with the guy even more “closely”. Then on Monday she asked me to go to her football game. After the game I became even more suspicious and jealous of the guy so I ask one of my friends and they end up texting the girl. My friend said that she said that she does like me but she is dating the guy because he had asked at the party and she thought why not give him a chance. I’m confused on whether I should tell her that I like her back, if I should wait until they break up, or if I should risk our friendship at all but this is pretty much a now or never situation because she is graduating at the end of the year but I’m graduating next year. What should I do?

  6. So, me and this girl like each other but one of her friends said she liked me. She is currently in a relationship and was going to break up with “him” do I give it time or just give up? 😞

    • Give it time, HOWEVER if you feel like it’s not going anywhere find someone else. It’s not worth your time waiting on someone who is taken.

  7. I grew up with this woman we’ve been friends for about 25 years my mom and her mom’s been friends for years but they had a falling out and Don’t talk anymore but anyways me and the girl I like still remain friends I think we have a common interest in each other but we know we could just be friends cause she’s married and I respect that all our conversations are innocent nothing flirt wise cause we’re both in relationships I Don’t wish for both my girlfriend and I Don’t wish for her and her husband to break-up she’ll always have a soft spot for my heart and I’m actually comfortable to where our friendship is cause who knows what the future holds for us I can’t say it’s a guarantee that we’d be together in the future but at least it’s good to know we have a common interest in each other and I’m comfortable just knowing that

  8. I have a similar situation. Ive been talking to this girl for about 8 months now. Shes had a boyfriend this whole time. When we first started hanging out it was every now and then. That was when they was living together. Now hes moved away bcuz of her home situations and I’ve been staying with her every night for the past 2 or 3 months. Weve been sleeping together. She still texts him and says she loves him but said she loves me a few times before and how im perfect and how she wants to be with me but she feels stuck. What should i do?

    • please Don’t take this the wrong way but I’ve known this woman since we were little so your situation is kind of 50/50. If you love her my best advice is if you guys been having an affair is to actually take her out somewhere and talk, figure out what you guys want to do as far as a relationship goes and if she wants to break up with him make sure she does before you guys start sleeping around cause being in that situation is dangerous I lost a family member due to a accusation that never even happened in the first place so be careful and smart cause you’d be playing with fire so just talk to her figure out what you guys want to do if she decides to talk to her bf or husband tell her to not to mention your affair until then I would keep it innocent and no sexual activities or anything kissing or other signs that would look suspicious. I wish you guys luck

  9. I’ve been in a long term relationship for almost 9 years. We’ve supported each other though a lot, but I’ve been second guessing for a long time if he’s the right person for me, and vice versa. I’ve tried to break up quite a few times over the years (which took a lot considering we were both teenagers living together with really no where else to go, so we sortve depended on eachother), and there’s always reasons not to such as a) he’s a great guy and has never really done anything wrong to give me string reason to leave. B) when we do discuss how I think we need time or split up, he says “you’re the love of my life” “I can’t imagine being with anyone else” etc. My hangup is, I’m his first girl friend he’s had, so how does he know? I don’t want him second guessing this when he’s older and wishing he had dated other people before settling down. 2) I DONT think we’re right. I want something different in a partner, as loving and caring and supportive he is… I feel like we don’t have the “spark” there. At least not for over a year now.

    Troible is: we have these Convos then get over it and things are OK for a bit. But then I met someone who I REALLY adore and is everything I want in a partner.

    Here’s the kicker. My boyfriend and I have a 2 year old, so my situation is that.much more confusing. I’m scared to leave a “family”, I don’t want to break our family. At the same time I don’t want to settle for someone I’m not truly happy with, and dint know what to do about this great guy I’ve met and really like.

    I don’t want to lose contact with this great guy, don’t want to feel like I’m cheating, scared to break up my family (bug sortve want to so I AM free for someone who I will really love), and also don’t know how I’ll make another guy (in his 20s) feel about a girl with such a serious burden (aka: a child, long term relationship ending, and that father in our life).

    Want to be happy without hurting anyone 🙁

    • Fantasy: I want to be happy without hurting anyone.
      Reality: You’re going to have to make a choice that is going to hurt someone.

      I’m going to give it to you straight, if you’ve been second guessing your relationship for a long time… You should’ve made your choice a long time ago. Ask yourself (Before you make a concrete decision) are you still in love him (Not do you still have love for him, are you still IN love with him.), because if you’re not it makes no sense staying in that relationship (Raising a kid in a relationship like that isn’t good either. Your kid may not see it now, but as he/she gets older there’ll be no hiding it.). This new guy may just be a fling, so make sure you really care for him if you do decide on leaving your boyfriend. Now with all that being said, life is full of hard decisions. Indecisiveness is going to fuck you over in the long run.

  10. Pls there is this girl i love..before i met her she use to chat a guy.. I ask her and she told me she wanted to move on with the guy but it seems the guy has a girlfriend.. We use to go out. Later when i started proposing to her she told me not to. I ask why she told me she is dating the guy who she taught was having a girlfriend.. She told me that in her room i felt hurt and decided to live.. When going she called me back i came she was like she is sorry 4 wat has happened but we should still be close friend’s..she visits me on weekends after she escorts her boy friend.. Dont know what to do..

  11. I’m in a very similar situation. I really like this chick and she claims to really looked me as well she has a bf who is a complete douche, he doesn’t even pay attention to her touch her in anyway except hold her hand. Then I came along I became everything a bf should be she’s had sex with me. She was virgin that was taken by me. Her bf doesn’t know. I think that only made my feeling for her stronger. She wants to break up with him but she’s afraid because they’ve been together for 2 years and they have alot of memories. But she wants to be with me (as she claims) because I do more as what ever the hell I am than her bf has done the entire 2 years..

    • Before I tell you how you should handle this, I was pretty much in this same situation. Fell in love with a girl that had a boyfriend she’s been going out with for 2 years. She claimed to have loved me back, but didn’t want to break up with her boyfriend cause she still had feelings for me. Long story short it dragged on for 6-8 months… If you really have feelings for her give her some time to leave, HOWEVER don’t sit around waiting for her like a lost pup. If you feel it’s not going anywhere end it, unnecessary drama in your life is all it is.

  12. I am in love with girl but she have boyfriend but she also loves me,she always say me she will leave her boyfriend also but she also dont want to stay with me ,we have relation like boyfriend and girlfriend,we go outside meet once a week,she dont lie me when she go to meet him she dont hide this to me…but she hide things with him when she is with me,she is in relation with him for last 6 years and with me it just 8 months.can you please give me some suggestions.

    • Same thing I’m telling you, I told the guy above me. “Before I tell you how you should handle this, I was pretty much in this same situation. Fell in love with a girl that had a boyfriend she’s been going out with for 2 years. She claimed to have loved me back, but didn’t want to break up with her boyfriend cause she still had feelings for him. Long story short it dragged on for 6-8 months… If you really have feelings for her give her some time to leave, HOWEVER don’t sit around waiting for her like a lost pup. If you feel it’s not going anywhere end it, unnecessary drama in your life is all it is.”

  13. Ok my issue is in my situation I’ve been best friends with this girl for 11 years be here through 4 boyfriends and multiple states of depression and suicidal tendencies
    Well after the last boyfriend she tried to kiss me and I turned my head later that night she asked me why I won’t kiss her and I said because if I do I want it to mean somthing more than just a kiss a few months later she gave me her razors and everything that she used to cut and said I will never cut again and this is how i seal the promise and then kissed me.
    She then was talking about the idea of dating “which I allways found retarded ” and that she wanted to but her parents didn’t want her to date for acouple months…
    Well after the time period she asked me to try to get her parents blessing “which I did ” and now she says she can’t date me because she’s “too fucked up and will only hurt me” .
    Our friendship is actually stronger than its ever been but she allways brings it up so I don’t really know what I should do. Help?

  14. Great post for us guys to cry on…I have been in a similar situation for the past three weeks or so. So i met this girl through facebook and then we ended up on the DM’s and we met a couple of times, mostly for lunch cos she doesnt stay far from where i work. She told me she has a boyfriend (her first boyfriend) and then i decided to continue pursuing her… she calls me and i call her we text and i can see her whenever i want. this other time i phoned and her boyfriend picked up and i hang up. long story short i asked her if she wants to b wt me and she said yes but she cant just leave the guy. she calls me baby, babe, bae etc… i have tried cutting her out but she always finds a way back. Now i am at a point where i hv developed feelings for her and i just wana b with her. by the way she is a student doing her last year and i am just starting out in my career… So what must i do now? She would cook for our lunch and the boyfriend stays around aswell. i am confused

  15. But what to do even when you’ve been kissing and other stuff for a while but not sex tho. An d she still is hesitating or having second guests about leaving her boyfriend. And she constantly calls and messages you telling you she loves you and wants to be with you. I’m in that situation and I’m a bit confused

  16. What do i do if i fell deeply for a girl right away and we talked for a while and we hung out multiple times and we sung together alot and its a song we both love now because we sang it together but when i asked her out she hesitated and said no and then when i asked her out she said no… And that she likes me the same as i do … Just not as strong … And that she has a “thing” with another guy not dating but just a thing and if circumstamces were right then it would work out but no what do i do?

  17. Hi i am in big problem ,
    i need advice
    i have gf we are comited relationship past 9 months , but sudnly my gf said i love u like alwes she says to me , and i wana be with u , i want u with me , but she said she has a desir of wana fun ( like kisses or may be more physical )liitle bit with others , but she dont wana lose me at all ,

    i sid strate no for tht and i donu wht should i do , s

  18. Hi i am in big problem ,
    i need advice
    i have gf we are comited relationship past 9 months , but sudnly my gf said i love u like alwes she says to me , and i wana be with u , i want u with me , but she said she has a desir of wana fun ( like kisses or may be more physical )liitle bit with others , but she dont wana lose me at all ,

    i sid strate no for tht and i donu wht should i do ,

  19. Hi i am a 24yr old male i am dating with a girl who is 22yr old who has a boyfriend she refuse to leave him but she says she loves me and i like her alot…we have dated for six months now i need advese

  20. I’ve been separated (divorce soon) for 8 months… Comfortable now,I asked a long time crush out…We met for coffee…She asked why didn’t you me 3 years ago…I was married and committed,but we had such a connection..She said she was in a relationship, but would like to be friends.than tells me her man wants to collect unemployment and sit on a computer all-day. . She’s worried She’s being used, and says she’s disappointed in him ..Than gives me eye contact and a sigh… She’s also thought about me for years…I wasn’t free when she was ready.now it’s the other way around…..Do I pursue??!

  21. Hey im going through a situation too.she has a bf she meets him almost everyday and yeah she stays in my house so we do have softcore sex before she goes to work and when she returns.she is not a bad girl too cuz shez from a village and im sure how innocent she is.but she still talks to her boy infront of me.she told me that she loves him and that he loves her.but she told me that she likes mee too she is stuck she cant take a decision when ever no one is at home we do hug each other and sleep over each others chests.i dont wanna loose her.i need ur advice guys
    And also she is 3 years elder to me.

  22. Good Morning/Afternoon/ Night . I have one question which i wish you can respond very soon thus it is happening to me now: There is this girl I like which liked me at some point but now … Well about a week ago got a boyfriend. I took to long to tell her how i felt about her and i dont think she ll end up with him soon… What should i Do?

  23. Whoever posted this thank you. This describes what I went through just yesterday. I hooked up with a girl that had a boyfriend and kid. She was dying for me after I gave it to her lol. She came out to say that the more we talked the more she wanted to be with me because her boyfriend tracks her every single move (controlling relationship). I was not even mad because I knew that when we would hook up she would want more and be more sad then the first time we met.

  24. the feeling suck a lot …eish guys she told me that she likes me but she’s with someone u knw what my heart sank ..i kept feelings for a year ..i just told her last week..damn boys when u have feelings for girl act fast or u won’t get her aaaaahaaaaaahaa dammit damn

  25. It’s really easy the guys giving you great advice you owe her nothing if she wanted you she would already made it quite obvious. Be a confident alpha male and has many choices and cut her loose. Keep the option open that if she ever wants to get with you to give you a call. Otherwise, go out and start hanging out with other girls that are interested. Personally for me I could care less if they have boyfriends I find that they would rather sleep with me a person who has no attachment to the outcome and not looking for a steady girlfriend. Because what I find is that there’s very few of them that are loyal they will find the next best thing. Not to toot my own horn but a person like me who is indifferent to the outcome of whether they call me in the morning or they don’t or sleep with me I act as if i have an abundance of other girls. They like that but understand going into it you can’t be attached that be ready to walk away And mean it at any time. Attachment is where your fear and worry come in and it’s hell when a girl does this to you. Remember indifference is the difference you don’t care about the outcome one way or the other that’s what makes it attractive .

  26. Hey gutsygeek, thanks for this blog post, it’s really useful! Here’s my story: I met this girl through a mutual friend, I asked her for her number and we started chatting online. After not a long time I asked her out, we went out for drinks and the date went well, so awkward silences or anything like that. We hit it off reaaally well, my conversations with her are great, it felt so natural (no mention of a bf). We went out this past weekend, and at the end I told her that I’ve had a great time with her, and at that point she said “me too, I really enjoy our talks” and then I said that I’d like us to hang out more and then she said “I’m already in a relationship”. We said goodbye, and we have kept on talking online, in a really friendly way, as if nothing had happened.

    I told another friend about what happened to me, and she said that this girl is dating a doctor who’s doing a residency in Israel…I don’t know when this guy will be back. I’m reaaally into this girl but I don’t know what to do. What’s your advice?

  27. I’m kind of in the same position. I’ve been teasing and messing around with a girl at my university for a bit now and didn’t think much of it since I knew she had a boyfriend. Thing is that it kept escalating, the last few parties we’ve been at she hasn’t been able to keep her hands off me and we’ve been messing around all the time to the point where other female friends are literally telling me I need to make out with her (at which point I tell them she has a boyfriend, and they walk away confused). At one point I thought she might’ve broken up with her boyfriend since I rarely see them together, until for a few days ago when I saw her giving him a quick kiss.
    I wasn’t imaging anything happening between us, I was just happy to be getting along with a girl. I generally get touchy with people anyway, especially at parties so I assumed nothing at first. Then a few days ago we were dancing together all night, again touching and flirting like teenagers even with her boyfriend just feet away. I’ve been the one holding back in most interactions, playing it cool and never escalating. Then at one point I jokingly told her to go annoy her boyfriend, again to make clear to her I know damn well she has a boyfriend and don’t intend on doing anything, and she pulled me close and said she liked me too. No shit, I knew that already, but I was still surprised to hear her say it, I’d never experienced it. I don’t remember what I did after that, only that I walked away casually like I do all the time.

    I’m a bit annoyed by this situation because at first I thought I’d just made a friend, when in fact it seems she sees more in me. I do like her, and I can’t help but go along whenever she starts flirting again. She’s very happy and excited every time she sees me. Thing is this all seems to be progressing too far past the part of just being touchy friends.
    The problem is, that I can’t ignore her or tell her to get her shit together, since she’s in my club of people (weird to explain, it’s a thing here) in my fraternity, so I’ll be seeing her constantly for the next few years.

    The relationship doesn’t seem very solid, they’re almost never together and many people don’t even know about it. Though I really don’t want to go there.
    I can’t shut her out and I don’t want to advance, guess I’m stuck in this weird limbo. Sucks to have a girl be this into you while you can’t do anything…

    • This story is same as mine. Apart from this, I managed to tell her what does she want from me when you already have a boyfriend. She started crying on hearing this. To console her I said her I love you. This made her happy. Man what do I do ?? I have feelings for her at the same time I want to leave her. : ‘(

    • I hear this a lot. I am in the same situation. Best advice: Be straight up with your crush. She has a boyfriend. When/if she leaves/breaks-up tell her you would love to hear from her. Then, if you are available/single you MAY want to get together, hang out, have fun — and maybe hook-up. THEN WALK AND DO NOT LOOK BACK. Odds are 90%+ you will hear from her. BUT – you win either way. Have self respect — but always be charming to her if she reaches out to you. Think James Bond! Good luck and happy hunting

    • my crush literally told me she liked me even though she had a boyfriend I said I liked her back in the same way but were in year 7 and her boyfriend s in year five and get this I thought I didn’t know the guy and today I found out he was a stalker of mine from 2017 I literally felt my heart/brain drop I felt sick even though I acted as though I was fine.

  28. Yeah hi I feel like I’m in this situation right this very second. Down to the story. Same as this but she flips it and says she is in a open relationship now so we can kiss n have sex! so what do I do, as i have true feelings for her as she for me but im also ready to just go out and live life so should I just ride this train as she has broken up with him we slept together then she get back with him he give her the option its me or him and she couldn’t let neither of us go. And now she tells me its a open relationship. What.

  29. Great article, it made me think a lot about the situation I am in and it helped me understand things which i never thought so thank you very much

  30. Great article, it made me think a lot about the situation I am in and it helped me understand things which i never gave any thoughts, so thank you very much.

  31. if she says i have a friend but i dont like her she has received gifts from me she wore according to my choice but sometime i feel angry she says that i will accept him(another friend) proposal if i say it is?? she says i was joking what does it mean

  32. ok so i have a friend that’s single but has a girl that likes him but she has a bf and says she will dump him for my friend so what do i tell him, because he came to me for advice and i now noting sense i have never dated anyone please help me out

  33. My crush has a boyfriend and has a crush on another girl. She said she doesn’t like her bf anymore but she hates breaking up with people. She really likes this girl and this girl really likes her back and she gives me mixed signals all the time; What do I do?

  34. I have one similar situation and the problem is litle big
    So I’m fact the girl just came to my
    Life like from nowhere .. I’m owner of one apparment and I have empty rooms so I rent it out .. she was the one contact me for a room so .. she came she move In.. as I was very busy with my work I didn’t saw her once she move in (one of my friend assist in this ) so after couple days we meet in the kitchen she was siting and smoking .. once I saw her I feel some big connection with her ( u know that feeling like u know someone for so long ) so all
    Starts here we start talking .. first couple times we talk about stupid things just to get to know but after couple days all our things was like match .. what we like what we do and all of this become on bigger level as she ask me to assist her in parking and we sit in kitchen for maybe 6 hours . Till morning time and talk we just feel need to meet everyday .. no matter when we have to wake up or go to work
    But I get to know she has bf … and suprise me a lot Bic the way she was talking it was diferent anyway .. she is told me that her bf left the country bic of some big reasson and he I’ll never come back here I’m this county so she is not sure about all the situation .. but here is the problem i do not know how to react on all of this rigjt as I’m sure she has feelings for me but in same time she is in the page of her life when she block and dotn know what she I’ll do.. we are still siting and talking but she don’t like to discus about what actually happen to her bf so he left the county so fast and never come back

    Any advice what I have to do as next step
    Btw after so long period in this place I find Girl who is worth to be taken for me

  35. I got this girl who loves me and she talks with her boyfriend at late nights she speaks with me and her boyfriend at the same time. I asked her about that she said don’t try to control me and says she loves only me not him I don’t know what to do?

  36. Okay so I’m in kinda the same situation as the guy who started this topic but the girl does give me love and affection, i.e. Hugs kisses sex hole 9 yards but it’s only when things are bad with her BF then when she decides to go back because she feels like he took a part of her that she can’t have back unless she’s with him and that things won’t ever be like they where before him so she goes back to him and completely stops talking to me me. I know, actions speak louder than words and all that. She’s young I’m just a few years older than her. Meet in high school after hey first got together. She always said she wanted to be with me but she never could comitt all the way. We almost got together but it never worked out. We go on and off from talking and seeing each other for any given amount of time last time it was a year and I did the move on meet new people and all that even had a few GF’s but when she came back into my life I dropped it all to talk to her again. I know, I’m stupid. I just don’t know how to feel and what to do about the hole situation.

  37. This girl I know from one of my classes always hugs me and lays on my shoulder and says “I love you”… but it’s so up front that i don’t know if she actually likes me or not. We were at dinner with a large group, and almost the whole time she was laying on my should with our arms linked. I know as a fact that she has a boyfriend, as she talks about him, but I’m really getting mixed signals. At dinner our friends were saying stuff like “Ummm, you already have a boyfriend” but she kept saying stuff my shoulder was comfortable and crap. We even split our meal. I just don’t know if she likes me or not and I wouldn’t want to lose our friendship, even if it means that I stop liking her. What should I do?

    • And whenever she hugs me and says “I love you”, she always says “Do you love me”, and I don’t know what the heck to say…

      I’m a wreck

    • Sorry, I just keep remembering stuff… the other day we were sitting on the stairs and she was sitting on the stair in front of me and leaning on my legs, and then another girl tried leaning on my legs and she got really passive aggressive. Lastly(I mean it this time), she hugged me the other day and that same girl joined in on the hug and she says “Goddammit Sofia get out of our hug”, and plays it off as if she’s joking though… It’s so fricking complicated that I don’t even know what to do. Basically, I think both girls like me, but I only like the one, however that one has a boyfriend.

  38. Hey so i like this girl we used to hold hands for almost more than two months and i found out that on november first she has a boyfriend and now two weeks has passed sense that day so i went to her house and we started talking and she interlocked fingers with me and i got nevous can you please help me i don’t know what to do

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