Young Love Is Pure Magic

So my friend Jenna got married a few weeks ago. I was in Toronto, working on a TV series, and wasn’t able to make it. It’s not a big deal, but it got me thinking. After all, Jenna is the first girl I ever fell in love with.

Lack of Magic

When I was 16, I was lonely. I didn’t know how to talk to girls and get them interested in me. It seemed like every girl I spoke to just wanted to be friends, which was great for them, but shitty for me. I was bitter about not having someone, and self-conscious, and kinda depressed all the time. Somehow though, through my unconfidence, my baggy clothing, and my complete inability to communicate without being awkward, there was a girl that was into me.

Her name was Jenna, and she was wonderful enough to say “yes” when I made my move. We used to chat on the phone all the time, and make out like teenagers do whenever we had the chance.

But I was insecure, and unable to deal with my feelings. Here was this wonderful girl that wanted to be with me, and I was convinced there was something wrong with her. The truth was more stark: there was something deeply wrong with me. So I broke up with her after a few months, and chased other fantasy perfect dreamgirls that didn’t exist.

Eventually I moved to Canada and dated other women. Jenna and I stayed in touch, and remained friends. We would hang out when I came to visit, and it was nice. She was getting more beautiful every year, and I was still trying to figure out what the hell my problem was. I did some therapy for about a year and a half, and although my issues were fading, I was still struggling.

Something Magical Happens

2007 came along. I had been single for about 4 years, with the occasional sexual partner here and there.

Art of Jeff Thomas

I went back to France to visit for a summer, and Jenna came over one day for tea. We sat in the garden, chatted and laughed, and it was good to connect with an old friend. As she left, on impulse I leaned in and kissed her.

What followed was a wondrous summer of romance, passion, affection, and happiness: I had finally fallen in love. Not with a model, or actress, or pornstar: just the beautiful girl next door. All of my expectations were blown out of the water.

Until that point, I thought that love was this mystical thing that fell out of a tree like Newton’s apple and smacked you in the head with incredible force. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that it was actually a much simpler feeling: it was just happiness when I was around her.

For the first time in my life, I wasn’t bitter about not having anyone to share my affection with. I no longer sneered at everyone derisively. I was able to laugh at myself. The terrible anger I had carried for so many years just seemed to fade away, a petty irrelevant thing. It was pure joy.

Magic Doesn’t Fade

However, like most first loves, our relationship didn’t last. I came back to Canada to do my Master’s, and she stayed in France to work on her career.

We’ve kept in touch over the years, so it came as no surprise when I found out she was getting married.

A small piece of me was a bit sad, but a larger part of me was quite happy. After all, this beautiful person, who transformed my life, was finally settling down with someone who would bring her joy. And that’s a good thing.

Unlike the movies, there was no “catching a last minute plane to stop the wedding”, no “mad dash to find myself”, no “trigger to revisit all my ex-girlfriends and tell them all they were the one.”

Instead, there was just a good feeling inside, knowing that someone who will always have a special place in my heart has found a man smart enough to keep her.