You Are Not Your Clothes

“I’m thinking of getting a boob job,” a friend of mine told me. “What do you think?”

Whoa. Odd way to start a conversation at a party. I didn’t really understand why she was considering a boob job. She’s blond, slim, good looking, and fun. Why does she want bigger tits?

I thought about it for a second.

Body vs Appearance.

It’s very hard to change your body without serious work, i.e. gym or surgery. A lucky few naturally have incredible bodies and metabolisms, but for the rest of us, it’s diet and workout to keep muscle and avoid the fat. Unfortunately, it’s plastic surgery for the other stuff, like changing the shape of your nose or the size of your boobs.

Thankfully, you can cloak a lot of your imperfections by working on your appearance. You can alter your dress style, grooming, makeup, wonderbra. Your appearance is full of things you can change.

 

 

 

 

 

But why would you want to?

There was a time in my life when my appearance mattered very little to me. I figured if my real self was shining through, then people wouldn’t care about the way I looked. I doggedly clung to that philosophy for a long time, as it kept me from having to change. I remember a particular event that changed my mind though.

My brother and I were invited to a dinner party. In the car, my brother noticed my shirt was wrinkled, and told me I should’ve ironed it. I replied that I didn’t give a shit about my wrinkled shirt, why should I? They’re our friends, they should like me for me.

His reply?

“Being well dressed is showing respect to the other person. We’re going to a formal event, where all the attendees will have taken the time to dress up. The least you can do is dress well and show them you respect them, by putting as much effort into your appearance as they do. If people take the time to look good, you can’t do the same?”

Huh. He had a point.

Adapt Your Appearance To The Situation

In the real world, it’s important to work on and take pride in your appearance, because it’s the first line of contact with other people.

If you dress like shit, even if you’re a great person, people will automatically assume you are what your clothes say you are. You can spend 20 minutes changing their minds, and I applaud you for it, or you can make a small change and save yourself the hassle.

Think about it: why handicap yourself? Why not give yourself a headstart? They’re going to meet the real you once you start talking, why not make it sooner rather than later?

Plus, the groovy part about looking good is it enhances your confidence. You put on a pimping 3-piece suit, you’ll feel way more like a big baws than if you’re wearing shorts and a gym shirt.

The key is to not get caught up in appearances.

If you dress really well, but don’t cultivate the charm, then you’re just a piece of plastic, and will be treated as such. People enjoy looking at the beautiful crowd, but they’d much rather hang with the interesting crowd.

Having a good appearance sets the stage for them to accept your personality better.

For instance, a friend of mine recently cut his 80s rockstar hair, which used to go down to his lower back. He has the same attitude, same funny guy, but all of a sudden the ladies are all over him. He was shocked at his recent success, but I wasn’t. Without a physical barrier to get over, people got to know him much quicker, and realized, just like I did, how very awesome he was.

Change Your Body For You

The old me from a few years ago would say absolutely no plastic surgery. It is the devil’s work. I thought it was a hideous thing, and people should accept their bodies and learn to love themselves from within.

I am now convinced I was wrong, and it was selfish of me to think that. I’m no Brad Pitt, but I’ve got great features and a decent body, so I can’t complain. What about the people who have real self-image issues because of features they can’t control? Like a crooked nose or, in my friend’s case, small breasts?

How can I tell them they don’t deserve to look as beautiful as they want to?

For instance, a friend of mine desperately wanted a nose job. She hated her nose because it had a slight bump on it, and it was imperfect. She constantly cringed when she saw herself in the mirror, and would go so far as to untag herself from Facebook pictures that were too unflattering. Eventually, she saved up, took some time off work, and got the surgery.

When she unveiled the new sniffer a few weeks later, I didn’t notice a difference. In fact, I don’t think anyone noticed; the change was almost imperceptible. However, she felt spectacular, like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

She was happier, and more confident, and loved herself more and more each day. In the face of such happiness, over something so minor, that’s when I knew I was wrong.

I realized it’s very easy for people like me to judge people who get plastic surgery, because we’re in a position of privilege where we don’t need or want it.

Trust me, until you hate your body, you shouldn’t judge other people who want to change theirs. And this applies to body, appearance, fitness and surgery.

What The Hell Am I Trying To Say?

Here’s what I’ve figured out:

• Change your appearance to suit the situation, and to blend in appropriately with your environment. Wear a suit and tie to a wedding, cut your hair for your job, make the small outward changes so people can meet the inside you.

• Change your body to suit yourself, and to feel good about who you are. Get braces, surgery, hit the gym, do what you gotta do, as long as you’re doing it for you, and not someone else. Remember, many of these changes are permanent, so be sure of why you’re making them.

Let’s get serious and get back to my friend’s question: what do I think of her getting a boob job?

She says she wants boobs to be more feminine. I think she’s feminine enough, but I’m not important. If she’ll feel more feminine, and therefore more confident and happier with herself after a surgery, then I think she should go for it.

Who knows, if all of the above happens, maybe I’ll get a boob job too.