How To Limbo

A few months ago, I made a commitment to myself to run GutsyGeek as a business. I told myself I’d give it a shot, and see how it panned out. Three months later, I find myself having to admit that I don’t have the discipline to run a blog based business right now.

In fact, as I was contemplating what to do with myself, I actually began to look around for day jobs again.

Then a month ago, a buddy of mine asked me to join his startup and work for him.

Not having many options, I decided to give it a shot, part time. In doing so, I discovered something amazing: I’m good at the job he hired me to do.

One minute I’m writing copy, the next I’m doing some basic web coding, a few minutes later I’m writing a speech, then I’m A/B testing pages, then I’m creating an email campaign, then I’m making screencasts… the list goes on. And I can do it all.

Not only that, but for perhaps the first time in my life, I feel like my skills are used to their fullest, and I’m being valued properly.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved my work in television, but when push came to shove, I was still an writer’s assistant. Before that I was a marketing assistant, and before that I was a tech assistant.

Now, all of a sudden, I’m a manager type. Whoa.

Blogging Is My Hobby

For a few months, I was really hoping GutsyGeek would take off, and I’d be able to write for a living. It didn’t happen that way. I’d like to say it’s because my words suck, but the truth is my writing is stellar. The problem has to do with promotion, and search engine optimization, and networking, and getting my work exposed to a crapload of people. And I just didn’t do it right.

I also have a constant feeling that my writing is merely for fun. I know it has impacted some people’s lives, from the emails I’ve received, yet to me, the things I post are simply my thoughts. I perceive my blog as an interesting read that people enjoy while sitting on the toilet, or when they’re bored at work, or when they’ve got some random free time and a gap to fill.

I definitely don’t believe that my words are the truth, and that people should religiously follow my instructions. Perhaps that’s why I never released my eBook, or put that much effort into promoting myself.

Perhaps I should ask myself why I feel this way. Something to think about I guess.

The Scary Future

So anyway, I’m back in the corporate world. I’m working for a tech company. I like my job. I like the security, the fact that I can make my own hours, that I work with my friends.

I’m a little sad that I’m putting aside my drive for GutsyGeek. But not too sad. I’m just relegating it to being my hobby again, and not the end all be all of my career aspirations. I’ll be posting once a week from now on, and include a mini-post in my mailing list for those signed up.

Am I going to work in tech for the rest of my life? I don’t know

Will I ever write my book? I don’t know.

Will I ever be successful with my writing? I don’t know.

Will I ever live off my blog full time? Probably not.

Is the girl of my dreams around the corner? Maybe.

Am I in a state of limbo right now? Absolutely. It scares the shit out of me.

And that’s where I’m at in my life.