Don’t Be Afraid Of Other People’s Opinions

When I was young, I was terrified of other people’s opinions. Anytime I went anywhere public, I was worried about what people were thinking of me. I was so focused on other people that I became hyper aware of any small motion, expression, or reaction they had when I was near.

You know when you walk into a room at a party, and you get the feeling that everyone’s watching you? That was my life, all the time.

Thankfully, I’m a little more normal nowadays. Other people’s opinions matter less than they used to, as my focus on what I want is slowly taking over.

The Fear Of Other People

“Other people” is a funny concept, especially in public places.

“They’re watching me!” you might think.

“They”? Who are “they”?

Probably random people that you’ll never see again. Yet “they” freeze you from doing the things you want to do, because “they” have eyes, and “they” might be judging you.

Now that I’m older, “they” don’t affect me much, for a simple reason: I don’t know them. They aren’t friends, or people I care about. They’re just random ships in the night, that pass me by.

Think on this: if I go to a public place, and make a fool of myself, what’s the worst thing that could happen? I’ll tell you: nothing.

When I was feeling nervous about approaching women at the mall once, my friend had me scream “I am a banana!” down from the overpass. Many people didn’t react, a few looked up, and funnily enough, some noticed me and laughed. I even got a short applause, which I thought was hilarious.

If I did something ridiculous like that, in a public place, and had no consequences, why would I be worried about people in the metro thinking my shirt is wrinkled?

Let’s move the setting into a nightclub. A lot of guys are afraid of approaching women, because “other people” are watching.

“What if they see me get rejected?” guys say.

“So what?” I reply. “One, their opinions are unimportant, and two, you’re never going to see them again anyway.”

Opinions Matter When The People Matter

I’m not going to tell you other people’s opinions don’t matter, that’s simply not true. What I’m saying is you need to pick and choose the opinions that are important to you, and your particular situation.

For instance, I own GutsyGeek.com. People criticize my site all the time, and tell me how I should be running things. Phrases like “have you thought about putting up a picture of a geek with women flocking towards him?” or “I find your use of the word ‘fuck’ very offensive” are thrown at me all the time.

I read them all, and I save them all. Then I forget them, except for the ones that come from relevant readers. For the purposes of my site, if you’re a 60-something retired fisherman that’s never played a videogame in your life, you’re not my target audience. I appreciate you writing in, but I’m not sure if any of your advice on digimal megatrons is going to help me.

If, however, you’re an SEO specialist that’s also a geek and has trouble with dating, I care about what you have to say. My goal is to help you, and you’re the kind of person I’m trying to reach.

In other words, the target audience’s opinion matters the most.

In your personal life, similar rules apply.

The opinion of an acquaintance that you met at a party once about why your style of kung fu is useless? Irrelevant.

Criticism from your best friend, who has your best interests at heart, and wants to make sure you’re the best person you can be? Priceless.

Be Discerning

To figure out whose opinion matters, and whose doesn’t, you need to focus on what’s important to you, and whose opinions can help you.

With work related opinions, try to pinpoint the people that are in a similar field as you, and are doing better than you. Don’t take advice from a fisherman if you’re working on a particle physics experiment. Do take advice from your buddy that did your job and got a promotion.

With fashion opinions, listen to people that dress well, and ignore the dude with the camel toe in his pants.

With dating advice, focus on people that are good with the gender you’re into, as their words come directly from their experience. As a funny aside, if you’re asking your lady friends for dating advice, you may have some trouble, because they don’t date other women, and probably don’t know how to attract them.

Instead, pinpoint the kind of girl you’re into, whether she’s a hipster, workaholic, ninja etc. Find out what that kind of girl likes in a man (you can ask them, they don’t bite), then work on becoming that kind of man.

For instance, if she’s a vegan, chances are she’ll want a partner that appreciates vegan cooking. If you hate vegetables, fruits, nuts, and soy products, you may have a problem.

In general, the opinions of your loved ones matter, because they (usually) have your best interests at heart. Sure, they may give you bad advice sometimes, but it comes from a good place.

Which brings me to my last and most crucial point: in the end, even the best of people can give terrible advice and have useless opinions. It happens. You must always remember that once you’ve accumulated all the information you can from “other people”, the final decision is yours and yours alone.

Be prepared to accept the rewards or consequences of your actions, think it through, then make a decision that comes from you.

Are you paralyzed by the fear of “other people”?