“Hi Rami,

My girlfriend and I broke up last year, I haven’t hooked up with anyone since. Last week I went on a date with a girl I met online, and we ended up going back to her place. But I couldn’t get it up! I’ve never had this problem before, and I don’t know what’s going on. My ex and I never used condoms, and I think I can’t stay hard with a condom. When I pulled the condom out, I started to get nervous, and lost my hard-on.

What do I do?

Wow Timmy, that’s heavy stuff. Thanks for sharing buddy, it’s not easy to talk about erection problems. Let’s deal with the issues one at a time.


“I Hate Condoms”

Personally, I love condoms. They let me have sex with whoever I want whilst protecting me from a bunch of diseases. It’s like having a giant shield for your penis, which still lets you have fun. Pretty strong invention there if you ask me.

But I hear people complain about condoms all the time.

“I can’t feel anything”, or “I lose my erection when I use one”, or “it feels like I’m having sex with a garbage bag.”

The truth is, a condom is never going to feel as good as unprotected sex. That doesn’t mean you should stop using them, of course. You just need to accept that not catching an STD comes with a caveat.

The problem is, as Timmy mentioned above, a lot of guys can’t get it up when the condom comes out. I have a solution, which I’ve used for years, and is so effective it’s even made it into mainstream Hollywood movies.

In case you missed it, here’s the solution:

Masturbate with a condom on.

Seriously. That’s the best way to deal with it.

Most men who have trouble with condoms start to associate the contraceptive itself with a negative experience. You put one on, lose your boner, have a shitty time. Next time around, you remember the previous bad experience, and get nervous because you’re worried you won’t be able to stay hard again. The nervousness increases when she pulls out the condom, and then you’re Mr Droopy instead of Mr Happy all over again.

Pretty soon you’ve got this Pavlovian response where just thinking about a condom makes you softer than Kirby.

To counter this, bring a condom to your favorite past-time: masturbation.

When you’re alone, comfortable, and you know you’re going to have some fun, bust out the condom. Put it on, and do your business. If you do it right, within a few weeks, the condom itself will help trigger an erection, because pulling it out means you’re going to have an orgasm.

You’re welcome Timmy. You’re welcome.

Tricks to Use When You Can’t Get It Up

Here are a couple of other tricks that help, in case the condom isn’t the only reason you’re having trouble.

First off, watch less porn. Seriously, that stuff is eating your brain. Watching lots of porn actually creates changes in your mental chemistry, making you crave an abnormal amount of stimulation. Eventually, you can’t beat off to the same video anymore, and you need a new one.

Guess what? Same applies to whoever you’re hooking up with in real life, except you can’t change the channel to another human being. It’s still the same girl in your bed. So watch less porn, or stop watching it altogether.

Otherwise, you’ll get to the point where nothing gets you off except for tranny midgets fucking each other with dildos shaped like little Irish leprechauns picking their noses.

Second, don’t masturbate on the days leading up to your encounter. When you haven’t gotten any release in a few days, even light physical contact will turn you on. This is especially powerful if you masturbate daily. By denying yourself that urge, your sex drive is going to go nuts.

Third, learn to relax. Easier said than done, I know. There are a couple of methods you can use, like self-hypnosis, or meditation, or yoga. My favorite is deep breathing, which I learned during yoga.

When I start to feel nervous, I take a quick bathroom break, then spend two minutes taking deep breaths. 4 count in, hold for 2, and 4 count out. By the time two minutes are up, I’m relaxed and ready to get back in there.

Fourth, have her help you out. Remember, sex is a co-op game. Direct her towards your penis, and see if she’s got some moves that will wake you up.


Fifth, accept that maybe you’re tired/drunk/nervous, and it’s not going to happen tonight. Maybe you’re tired, or too drunk, or sick, or your head is pounding, or you’re starving and are low on energy, or are under a red sun (hint: only if you’re Kryptonian), or you’re holding in a major #2 and really have to go.

Maybe you’re worried about pleasuring her, and making sure she’s enjoying herself, or you’re worried that your penis isn’t big enough, or that she might not find you attractive without your clothes.

Don’t try to fight it, you’ll only feel worse. Make out with her, maybe go down on her, and tell her you’ll have sex in the morning. Most of us have great morning wood.

It’s a lot of pressure for a mere mortal to handle

We’d like to think that everyone can get it up on command and bone for hours, but they can’t. The only people who can do that are pornstars. Guess what? They do it for a living. Don’t compare yourself to them.

So Timmy, what’s important isn’t being able to get it up or not. It’s how you deal with it when it happens.

You can either let it ruin the experience that you two are sharing, or…

You can relax, let it go, and enjoy the fact that there’s a wonderful woman in your bed who likes you enough to get naked with you. Let your penis take a day off.

The rest of you will still have fun.

16 comments add yours

    • He writes and thinks like he’s in his early 20’s, and tell him to come back when he’s in his early 40’s or 50’s and see if his pithy “jerk off with a rubber on” advice still holds true. ED is a real thing, it happens to every guy eventually and it increases with age. Anything that impedes your ability to achieve an erection only magnifies the problem and condoms certainly qualify.

    • He comments like this is a post about erectile dysfunction, when in actuality it’s answering a very specific reader question about why he can’t get hard with a condom.

      Erectile dysfunction IS a real thing, and you should go see your doctor if you need help. But that’s not what this post is about.

  1. I used to have a similar problem. My solution was to use bigger condoms… if the one you’re using is too small it’ll cut off circulation lol. Make sure you’re using the right size!

  2. Same thing happened to me recently… unfortunately the conversations that happened afterwards turned to her questioning me being attracted to her and shit went bad… the mother fucker who invented these should go to hell, and women act like we don’t have problems with condoms at all and the pill screws with them… fuck this…

    Only me… fuck my life… first time having sex in 4 years and this shit happens.

    • Sorry you had a shitty time man. It’s not only you, though.

    • Facts , got me feeling right .. then I pull out the jimmy and my shit died on me 🤣🤣

  3. I once couldn’t get it to stay hard after putting a condom on… At first I said sorry for that and we tried again the next day… Same thing happened and I had to convince her for over an hour that it wasn’t her looks that were the cause, cause I find her very attractive… But the fact is that women immediately assume that it’s their looks that cause men to go soft because of a condom…

    • Bro no joke that shit happened to me like a day ago

    • I wish more girls would understand this problem and not jump to conclusions how they are not attracted to a guy when he is limp when using a condom. I’m trying to find solution together with my boyfriend, and i hate to hear when girl says she got mad at the guy, and they got into a fight, because he couldn’t get hard, and her thinking it was something to do with her looks.

  4. I’ve been trying to have some casual online encounters lately as don’t have time for something serious. I’m on my 4th guy & he is the 3rd to go droopy at the sight of a condom – or attempt to put one on!
    It’s really pissing me off, lol! I mean why do guys think it’s ok to have unprotected sex with a woman they hardly know? Imagine if I let all 4 guys not use condoms with me, would you want to be that 5th guy?
    Luckily the 1st guy I dated was a pro at wearing condoms – think I might have to get hold of that guy again!
    Since reading this I feel a bit better about the last guy losing it, like maybe it’s the condom & not the fact I’m hideous – I think there needs to be more info about this happening cause it sounds like it’s preventing relationships going further than they possibly would if the situation was better understood.

  5. I’ve been having this issues ever since I came to Dubai , I though I’ve been going mad went to a doctor and they said nothing is wrong with me I was referred to a psychiatrist because they told me is my mind , I even thought I was cursed , I will practice what I’ve read on this page I pray it works

  6. This is a very helpful article. It does offer some helps to those affect by ED. I am also one of them. Now, I am sleeping with my gf, it’s the third time my dick betrays me and not go hard.
    Today I ate her push, and my dick went hard. I really wanted to fuck without a condom. However, once she insisted on using the controls, gradually my penis started sleeping even if she was sucking it. I have been having sex with my ex wife for over 5 years with no condoms, so using condoms with my gf does not make me enjoy sex. The only solution was using a drug like Cialis. However, I hate it. The reason is that my dick goes hard. So, even with the condom, it takes me more than 90 minutes or two hours to cum. I also stopped completely watching porn and masturbation. Here is the solution in my opinion, it’s called “nofap”. Apart from that, I agreed with my gf that we will have an STD check then stop using condoms. ED is a mental thing because once I watch porn, I go extremely hard right away. Guys avoid prom and masturbation. After 90 days, your problem will be solved. Greetings from Japan.

  7. I’ve been there several times, I’ve tested many things, but never the porn, I was aware that no fapping before an encounter can help to light the torch on, however, I think I’m an addict to porn and fap, but now i will work on that, but I’ve ALWAYS had problems with condoms by not getting hard using ’em, i’ve thought was me, or the girl, or my mental state, but i’ve tried this in many different situations, I’m only 30’s. It’s frustrating when it happens, I’ll try the “nofap” method and slow down a lot the porn, (hope I can, specially when you live alone and you are in quarantine) lmao. gl peeps!

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