A geek goes up to a girl at the bar, and tries to get her number.

She doesn’t give it to him, and he walks back to his friends, feeling silly.

Most people call that failure.

You know what I call that?

Practice.Feeeeeeerr

Practice Makes Awesome

When I took a bootcamp with Mystery, and learned to approach women all those years ago, he told me I needed to practice. I understood the concepts, but I needed to go out a lot and approach thousands of women, to really internalize the inner workings of the dating game.

He was right. I ended up going out 4 nights a week for 6 weeks, and approaching about 25 women a night. That’s 100 women a week.

When the six weeks were up, I slowed down a bit, because that’s a ridiculous amount of women. I went out twice a week after that. And I’ve been doing so for nearly 4 years.

That’s a lot of practice.

People often ask “what’s the point? If you’re not going to get into a relationship with any of these women, why are you going out, getting numbers, going on dates, and hooking up with them? Is it a numbers game?”

It’s a strong question, and I’ll give you the most honest answer I can.

Besides the obvious benefit of getting regular sex, which is pretty sweet, I’m practicing.

Socially Acceptable Practice

We live in a society where practicing social dynamics is often seen as repulsive.

People don’t like it when they’re being used for target practice.

Unfortunately, we don’t always have the choice. It seems like it’s ok to practice writing, practice music, practice video games, but for some reason, the real world frowns on people practicing dating.

The exception to this rule is youth. If you’re in your teens or early twenties, people just say “oh, they’re young and dating, they’ll figure it out when they get more mature. Now’s the time to make mistakes.”

Well, fuck me, but I missed that boat.

For some of us less fortunate, less attractive, less naturally charming people, that didn’t happen. I didn’t practice with anyone when I was younger. I was too shy, too embarrassed, too un-charming. My idea of getting a girl was to invite her on a series of expensive dates and fawn all over her like a puppy, at which point she usually lost interest.

Not exactly the stuff of romance novels.SONY DSC

I used to go out and see all these women that I wished I could talk to. I would often zone out and daydream about how seductive I was. I’d imagine a brilliant conversation, where if she only had the chance to hear me speak, she would fall madly in love with me.

Then I’d sip my drink, and stand around, and some other guy would get the girl. I’d always go home alone, wishing I had actually said something. I needed to get out of my mind, and into the real world.

I decided to make a change just before my 27th birthday, which is really late in the game. And at that point, I had to start practicing, with people.

It’s difficult, because you have to actually have to test the limits of what you’re learning on other humans. They might not like it, but what choice do you have?

If you spot a cute girl at the coffee shop, and imagine how a conversation is going to play out with her, then actually approach her… chances are the conversation is going to unfold completely differently than what you thought. We’re all way smoother in our heads, aren’t we?

So you have to go out there, confront reality, and bother some women to learn. It’s not easy, and you’re going to get rejected a lot. Ya just gotta do it.

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People Will Tear You Down

Since I started on this quest to get better with women, 4 years ago, I’ve lost a few friends, most of whom were women. Lovely people, whom I respected very much. They didn’t agree with the messages I’ve been sending on this site, and would engage with me in heated debates over what was and wasn’t appropriate.

I learned something very important then. As it turns out, women love being charmed, romanced, and seduced. But they want to believe it happened naturally.

No one likes to be told that they hopped into bed with you because of some calculated moves you pulled. It makes them feel used.

The truth is, when it comes to humans socializing, nothing is natural.

Those guys that are good with women? They learned it somewhere, usually through trial and error when they were younger, or by emulating a male family member that was getting good results.

Those guys that are shit with women? Geeks like me? We learned bad behaviors.

Luckily, there are dating coaches out there, who are willing to help you fix those behaviors.

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So Get Practicing

I’ve been intimate with more women in the last 4 years, than in all 26 years of my life before that. Thanks to my practicing, things ended on good terms with each of these women. I was always honest with my intentions, and never tried to lead anyone on.

Some of them I hooked up with. Some became my lovers for a while. One special woman became my girlfriend, if only for a short while. All of them I respect, and wish only the best for.

So get out there and practice. If you’re not sure how, check out the Getting Her Number guide. It’s going to be difficult, and messy, and you may lose some friends along the way. But man, being able to take control of your love life makes it all worth it in the end.

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4 comments add yours

  1. I’ve done that! Since I was cripplingly shy, I started with tinder. It was easier than having to approach random strangers right off the bat. I needed to see if people liked to talk to me and found me attractive. And it really worked! It boosted my confidence and whenever I want to approach someone now I think, hey, imagine this is tinder, with a little bit more risk. The worst that can happen is a little ego bruise, right? 🙂

    And it might be because I’m a girl, but when I told people I was using them for practice they didn’t mind at all, they actually encouraged me and told me I was doing great!

    But, you know, I’m pretty awesome, so your mileage may vary.

    • You’re brilliant, you know that? Telling people you’re practicing is a great way to break the ice btw. I have a friend who, at the beginning of the night, will often walk up to groups of women and say “hey, you’re the first people I talk to all night, so be gentle ok?”

      He gets great results, usually a laugh or two, and sometimes a number 🙂

    • That’s a good strategy! The truth is that most people are shy or have insecurities of some kind, I’ve never met anyone who was 100% self-confident. So I think most people (at least those with a minimum of empathy) know what it’s like to be scared to approach someone randomly and will be able to relate, and take it easy on you.

      Also don’t judge a book by its cover. I’ve been told a few times that I look really snobby and kinda bitchy, and that it takes courage (and a few stiff drinks) to approach me, but that I’m actually really really easy to talk to (because I am, deep inside, a big dork -and I love that about myself).

      So go ahead, shy geeks! Go out into the wilderness! The more you talk to people, the easier it will get. You won’t shake that awkwardness by sitting alone and staring at your drink.

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