“Are you one of those pickup artist types?” she asks. A friend of mine told her about my blog, and how I teach geeks to be good with girls. “Because I’ve always been curious about them.”
“Can you walk up to any girl, and get her to sleep with you? Like James Bond?”
“Nope,” I reply. “That’s a myth. James Bond gets away with ludicrous stuff, because he’s a movie character. If I wore a tuxedo, walked into a club, ask for a martini, and expected women to fall head over heels, you know what I’d get?”
“A martini,” I say.
She laughs, then seems pensive for a moment, as the truth of what I say sinks in.
“Then how does it really work?”
A perfect World
In a perfect world, every conversation and interaction would go perfectly well. Off the bat, I’d get interest from a girl, and she’d get interest from me. We would chat, flirt, undress each other with our eyes, and slowly but surely work our way towards some kind of awesome result.
Maybe I’d get her number, maybe we’d make out, maybe we’d go home together. Whatever the outcome, it would be easy and seemless; a breeze. But this all exists in a perfect world.
The truth is, picking up women is not perfect.
I’d even go so far as to say most of the time, pickup is a messy affair. None of this James Bond business.
I mean, c’mon: some of the things he gets away with are ridiculous. Check out this scene from Thunderball:
Do you really think that if you did that to a woman you just met, she’d be all over your dick? Get real.
It’s Actually Imperfect
The reality is much more sobering. There IS a perfect line, perfect time to approach, perfect everything, and unless you’re psychic, you’ll never get it. But with practice, you can do well enough that the imperfections will be overlooked, and the stuff you did well will stay with her.
I know lots of guys who go to bars, hang out with a drink, waiting for the “perfect opportunity”. You point out cute girls to them, and they always have an excuse not to go over.
“She’s busy getting a drink. She’s paying. She’s with a guy. She’s talking to the waiter. She’s too drunk. She’s sitting with her friends. I don’t want to interrupt her.”
You know how guys like that go home? Alone. Because while they wait for the perfect moment to talk to a girl, she’ll get chatted up by a man who had the balls to walk up and say hello.
The reality of cold approach is this: she is always going to be busy doing something.
She’s going to be with friends, or the bartender, or she’s going to be on her phone. If she’s in a coffee shop, she’ll be on her laptop working.
So you need to remember this: you’re always going to be interrupting her.
And that’s ok! It’s totally fine! Interrupt away!
If you approach well, she’ll be pleased to talk to you. The interaction will go great, and you’ll hit it off. If it goes badly, no big deal: you move onto the next one.
Funny And Grimy Situations
Here’s the dirty secret dating authors don’t like to talk about:
Sometimes, being in the right place at the right time is enough to get the girl. I was once at a bar, drinking away after an unsuccessful night. My friends had left, and I decided to drown my sorrows in one last drink before going home.
Lo and behold, two drunk girls pull up beside me, and one of them puts her hand on my ass and squeezes. Startled, I turned to look at her. We make eye contact, I grab her and start making out. That’s it.
No game, no work, nothing: she wanted sex, chose me, and I agreed.
This is important for you, because the more you put yourself out there, the likelier it’ll be that you find yourself in the right place at the right time.
Here’s an example that beats most guys: the girl you’re flirting with, who’s is flirting back, starts flirting with other guys as well. Most guys, in that situation, walk away.
Don’t walk away! Stay in there, and see what happens.
I like to think of these as an endurance contest. She’s in the mood to take someone home, and if you’re the last man standing, it could be you.
Here’s the takeaway for today: meeting women is messy. It’s not at all like it is in the movies, so don’t idealize it and miss imperfect opportunities.
Instead, see things for what they are: imperfect situations where you could meet someone interesting. Go for them, and see what happens.
Don’t miss the imperfect approach where you end up with the girl of your dreams.