I love sexually experienced women. They have a special place in my heart.

A woman with experience knows what she wants in bed, knows what she wants in a man, is open to trying things and, let’s face it, is great at what she does. I always tell myself that one day, when I decide to settle down, it’ll be with a woman that’s been around the block many, many times.

Think about it: knowing that you are going to have one woman for the rest of your life, would you want her to be sexually open, and willing to wear that Princess Leia outfit, or the woman that thinks birth control is the devil, and sex is only for procreation?

If you want the latter, get the fuck off my website. Come back only after you have done some serious soulsearching and self-reflection.

The thing is, there’s a crazy Middle Eastern belief that a man should only marry a virgin. It’s odd, because Arabic guys are expected to meet foreign girls, impure if you will, and fool around, then come back home and marry an Arabic virgin.

Um, pardon my french, but FUCK THAT SHIT.

It’s not just an Arabic sin. I’ve seen it many times in the last ten years of living in Montreal. Guys that are super promiscuous, getting laid on a regular basis, deciding “alright, it’s time to get married. I’m going to pick a nice girl, because she’s going to be the mother of my kids.”

Whoa. Madonna-whore complex much?

Like A Virgin

For those of you that aren’t in the know, fear not! Here’s a brief definition I legally stole off of Wikipedia:

In psychoanalytic literature, a Madonna–whore complex is the inability to maintain sexual arousal within a committed, loving relationship. First identified by Sigmund Freud, this psychological complex is said to develop in the human male when he sees all women not as individuals, but as either saintly Madonnas or debased prostitute-like personalities.

Yep, it’s pretty weird. Basically, many dudes suffer from this complex, where women are either sex objects (the whore), or saintly virgins and the future mother of their children (the Madonna, which by the way refers to the mother of Baby Jesus, not the super sexy singer).

Essentially, the dude that suffers from this puts women into two categories, and only gives himself one option for each.

He can start a family with a saint, who’s a good girl, and likes to do it missionary style two days a week, but only with the lights off, the pictures down, and when God isn’t watching, and only to make babies. Not so fun. In most cases, I can guarantee you that he is going to be miserable, and will probably end up cheating on her one day.

He can bone the totally debased whore, that will suck the pimp juice right out of him, and give him the best orgasms of his life, and likes all of his depraved fantasies (even the really freaky one that he doesn’t tell his friends about, with the cornucopia, two bits of string, a llama, and Pepto Bismol – you figure it out). But he can’t marry her, or start a family with her, because she’s too nasty in bed. Not so fun either.

The truth is that most women have a good bit of both in them. It’s what makes women awesome: however she is on the outside, you never know if you’re going to get the cat, the cougar, or the tigress in the bedroom. So why limit yourself to one or the other? You’re screwing yourself, and her (metaphorically) in the process.

Touched For The Very First Time

There are many dark undertones to why men want virgins, and why they want to marry “the good girl”.

Most of the time, it’s out of fear: they don’t want to be negatively compared to previous lovers.

“What if his dick is bigger than mine? Or he’s better in bed? What if he gave her something that I couldn’t?”

What they don’t realize, and this is important, is that if she’s been around the block, a woman of experience, she’ll pick him out of all the men she’s known, because he is the best one for her. In other words, she’ll choose him from a place of experience.

If she’s sexually experienced, she’ll also guide him to give her what she needs.

Early on in my sexual career, I had a lover who was way more experienced than I was. One day, she sat me down, and told me that she wanted me to go down on her more. When I did, she realized I had no idea what I was doing, and she basically gave me a play by play of how to give a woman oral sex.

Bless her soul, she made me the champion of the south that I am today.

Conversely, if a woman has never been with another man, if the only sex she’s ever known is with you, well, she’s choosing you out of ignorance. And buddy, you better watch out, because twenty years down the line, I’m betting she’s going to wonder what else is out there, and give it a whirl. Good fucking luck.

So what am I saying? In case you missed it, women don’t come in these two categories. You can easily have a woman that’s exceptionally pornstarlike in bed, and will make an amazing mother to your kids. In fact, I’d go so far as to say most women, with a little gentle nudging, will do that freaky thing you want to do (yep, even the Pepto Bismol part).

Now get out there and get with a girl. Don’t judge her based on past experience. The only thing that should matter is whether or not you like her.


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19 comments add yours

  1. Boss! I decided what’s missing on your website! A “like” button! Cause I wanted to press like and I couldn’t!
    Anywhoooo. I LOVED it! 😀

  2. Great post and sooo true!

    In fact, this is a topic that most women and men don’t understand. Many girls out there want to be the “good girl”, because that’s the only way they are going to find a “good boy”, since “good boys” only want “good girls”. But in reallity, many of those “good boys” cheat on them with “bad girls”. At the end, the “good boy” didn’t turn out to be so good after all, they say.

    I think this view is completely wrong, just as you said, but it’s not only a male problem, it’s also a females problem.

    I think both women and men are missing the point. Since women found their economic and sexual independence, men are afraid. So, in order to protect themselves or feel less insecure, they judge sexually-experienced women as whores (or, in the best case, they paralized in front of this kind of women). However, many women, though having conquered their sexual independece thanks to their mothers or their grandmothers, are afraid of being judged as whores or, even worst, being single for the rest of their lifes, so they act as Madonnas. Insecure guys, then, feel less threatened and everyone is “happy”… for a while.

    I think both women and men should reconquer their selfesteem and realized that neither real good guys would always look for a Madonna, nor real good girls would have to be virgins.


    • Absolutely. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
      It’s supremely important that we all take charge of our sexuality, and our self-esteem.

      Also, the truth with men is that they will often be more than happy to have sex with the “bad girl”, but if she rejects them, they call her a whore. It definitely has to do with fear and insecurity, and how they deal with rejection.

  3. Your understanding of middle Eastern culture matches your understanding of quantum mechanics..

    • Well Wasu, while I appreciate a good insult, it’s apparent you don’t know anything about the Middle East, or about me. Not only am I Arabic, but I was born and raised in the Persian Gulf, lived there until I was in my late teens, and go back to visit every year.
      Nearly all of my female friends growing up were obsessed with their virginity and their reputation, because many men want to marry a virgin.

      Hell, just last week I was on a date with a Saudi girl, and she brought up the two-faced problem of Arabic guys dating “ajanib” (foreigners) for the sex, then marrying a good virgin girl when they want to settle down. A month ago I was at a party, and a very cool Tunisian guy and I got into a heated debate when I told him I wanted to marry a woman that was experienced in bed.
      Think I’m kidding? For every Arabic girl you know that doesn’t feel pressured about this virginity bullshit, I’ll introduce you to 10 that do. For every Arabic guy you know that doesn’t care who he marries, I’ll introduce you to 10 idiots that want a virgin.

      P.S. Anytime you want to discuss the Grand Unified Theory or the Standard Model of Quantum Mechanics, I’d be down. I was a science major before I switched to communications, my understanding of Quantum Physics is actually pretty strong.

    • I think he went out to the store to get the large amount of ice he needed from that colosal burn, nice one man

    • Awesome post and definitely accurate about Arab men. Why would so many women go to plastic surgeons in the M.E. to get a new “hymen” so her soon-to-be husband thinks he’s the first?

      As a woman, I have to tell you it’s frustrating to discuss sex with a new boyfriend . It’s a lose-lose situation. You’re damned if you’ve in their opinion been too promiscuous and damned if you come off as less promiscuous (they want a woman with more experience). It’s best to say nothing and let them see what you’re capable of without saying where or how you learned it. Men should want women who are capable of being both nurturing and horny as hell.

    • *was. I can’t believe I made a mistake in a eleven words answer.

    • It’s ok, I forgive you, thanks to the magical compliment you gave me. I’m glad you enjoyed the article, it’s important that people realize this whole attachment to virginity and chasteness is just silly.

  4. I really like your post, there’s a lot of truth in it. I’m an Arab girl who’s been studying this for a while,especially concerning Arab men. Arab men can fool around as they like but they expect their women to be saintly and pure. If they want a woman that is pure then they’re going to have to be pure too. There’s a lot of hypocrisy concerning sexuality with Arab men and women, and even though premarital sex is considered sinful it goes both ways for men and women, not only for women. In Islam it says, if a woman who has committed premarital sex and repented for what she has done, there’s no reason for the guy not to marry her. Just because she had sex before marriage with someone else doesn’t mean she’s a whore, or is going to cheat on her husband. NO. What annoys me most of all is that an Arab friend once told me ‘The most liberal man will marry the most conservative girl’ and the problem is he’s right and most Arab men do that, which makes them such hypocrites. If we’re going to be fair, it should go ‘The most liberal should go with the most liberal and the most conservative should go with someone conservative like them’ Every person is different and if you love someone it shouldn’t matter what they did in their past because you are their present, and their experiences led them to you. Just wanted to cleat that up..

    • Dear Butterfly,
      Way to go! I’m so glad you posted that! Arab men are suuuuuuuch hypocrits! I had to start seeing a psychologist when my first lebanese boyfriend told me he wanted to marry a virgin AFTER LOSING MY VIRGINITY TO HIM!!!!!!
      Just to let you know, there ARE good arab men out there. Actually GREAT arab men out there. Open minded, into you for your brains, youre independence and the fact that you can manage on your own, and MOSTLY (believe it or not) the fact that you’ve slept with other men, experienced life in all its aspects and chose him. I happen to be married to a wonderful arab man and I have the most amazing/open minded/supportive brother in the world! Hint: the author of Gutsygeek.
      Hang in there butterfly, there’s still hope for arab men… I don’t know you but I feel really close to you after reading this post. I felt the same way throughout all of university.

  5. Hey, love your website, it’s a nice contrast to the numerous sexist website out there who tell men to find and marry the “pure, good girl” while they can pump and dump all they like.

    What you said about Arab men it’s true, however, Arab men are not the only ones that are hypocrites.

    I have always hated all this purity bullshit. Even though I had other partners before marriage, I did not cheat on my, now ex, husband. Being a good, faithful wife and mother for many years did not earn me any rewards, all I got was insults and abuse. Now that I am divorced, I plan to enjoy my life.

  6. First of all as Muslim men we shouldn’t be doing haram. A man cannot sleep with a women before marriage as you may know. I for one got married at the age of 20 and had no previous relationships with the opposite sex for personal reasons (I.e the idea of having a relationship with a women who had one prior just disgusts me tbh).

  7. Hi, I just want to mention something.

    First not all arab men are like that but the majority are (we are not as open minded as before). I am a syrian man and I don’t look at foreign women as whore. I turned down many opportunitis to have sex with them because I don’t have feelings for them and I don’t want to use them.

    I’m married to my wife who happens to be a virgin and I don’t care if let’s say she wasn’t. She is syrian as well and doesn’t wear the viel. Don’t worry we don’t have this stonning girls who don’t wear veils in syria or any of that shit. Anyways. My wife is beautiful and if you see her u will think she’s european but no. She is pure syrian. We don’t do it missionary style and only to get kids. We do it daily in different positions: doggy style. Cowboy, etc. You name it. And we foreplay alot. 69, oral, handjob tits job footjob. You name it. She also gives me oral as a quick way to reduce my sexual tension. The Point is us arab girls also enjoy our ways in bed. It’s not like what u hear in the media. My wife and my sex life is amazing

  8. I’m an Arab man and I never dated or slept with any women before my marriage. I married one of my relatives back home and happily married for over 8 years now. There is nothing wrong with wanting a pure Virginia wife who will take care of you and your children as well as the household. Before marriage I could not understand how a man has a relationship with a woman. Aren’t you worried that she might be a whore that had slept around? How do you know her history? It’s just pretty disgusting for me. I live in the west but I never understood how any man can sleep with a woman who isn’t a virgin. I don’t know I just feel disgusted if you ask me.

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