So you and the woman have been on some dates. They’ve been great, because she’s fun, and sexy, and laughs at all your jokes. You’ve touched a lot, you’ve made out a lot, and now you are both horny as hell.

You take her back to your place, and make out on the couch. Things are getting heated, electric, intense. You take her to the bedroom, you get her naked, and you have really, incredibly, powerfully… awkward sex. REALLY awkward sex. The weird kind where the only sound you hear is breathing, where you’re relieved when it’s finally over.

What the hell happened? Well buddy, it’s simple: you fucked up.

Where did I go wrong?

“I fucked up?” you ask. “How?”

You didn’t follow your desires.

You also watched too much TV. North American movies have really specific guidelines for dating: you get a girl’s number, you take her on a few dates, then you take her home. They have specific guidelines for sex: you put on passionate music, you kiss her gently, and you make sweet sweet romantic love all night long.

That sucks. Sex in Hollywood movies is garbage, and has nothing to do with real life. Think about it: if you had the choice, would you prefer to have slow, quiet sex, or grope, spank, bite, and fuck your partner really hard and loud? I’m guessing it’s the latter, and most people I know agree with me. Everyone prefers dirty messy fun sex.

So, back to your desires. When you get in bed with a woman, it’s your job, as a man, to take charge of the first time. Your job is to set the tone of the event, and follow through with it. Think about it: you asked her out, you took her to dinner, you invited her back to your place. She let you take charge of everything else, so why would the sex be different?

Be Loud

The thing with us geeks is that we enjoy the idea of a hot, tempting woman seducing us. We love the idea of Lara Croft from Tomb Raider coming into our lives and saying “I want you to fuck me really hard because you are the hottest man in the world.” Realistically though? Not gonna happen, at least not right away.

The first time a woman gets in your bed, she’s most probably going to follow your lead. Not because she’s weak, or doesn’t know what she’s doing, but rather because she’s unsure of you, and doesn’t want to fuck things up. So, you need to step up and do things right.

Here’s the golden rule for that first time with someone new:

Her behavior is going to be a reflection of yours. Thus, you need to do what you want to do, and not make a big deal out of things. Talk dirty, spank her, kiss her, bite her, let loose with your desires. In doing so, she’ll become more comfortable, and let loose with her own.

You want Lara Croft in your bed, instead of Princess Peach? Then you have to show her you can handle her sexuality. You do this by expressing your own, and being as uninhibited as possible.

If you’re quiet, and shy, and weird about getting messy, she’s probably going to sense that and feel odd about it too. If you’re hesitant, and don’t take off her bra, chances are she’s not going to take it off for you. On the other hand, if you laugh, and are playful, she’ll laugh with you. If you get loud, and moan, and talk dirty, she’ll probably scream, dig her nails into your back, and maybe think about busting out the handcuffs next time around.

Just remember one thing: she’s not going to do your job for you.


The next time you have dirty messy fun sex, do what you want to do. Don’t imitate Hollywood movies, don’t be quiet, and lead the way like you’re supposed to. I guarantee that she will have a great time, and so will you. The best part? She’ll feel so good about herself that she’ll probably be comfortable enough to lead when you do it again.

What about you guys? Do you lead that first time around? And for the women out there, do you agree/disagree with this? Finally, got any good/bad first time sex stories you wanna share? Please do! Leave a comment and tell me!

15 comments add yours

  1. I’m mixed about this.

    I’ve had my share of experiences – both very bad and amazingly good, in committed relationships and ((ahem)) otherwise. I am a shy person, in general, but the older I get – the more I know what I want and I’m not going to waste my time getting something I do not want. Ha ha, that sounds mean. What I do mean to say is I am no longer afraid to mention what I want or enjoy to the person that I am intimate with. Sex is a learning experience (this comes from the girl who lost her virginity much later than others, ha) and it will not always be what you expect. I think, the key is communication (makes one comfortable, brings intimacy, etc…unless being with strangers gets you off) and simply knowing that it always gets better! 🙂

    Regarding awkward sex. It’s not always bad. There are plenty of rocks-off, spine tingling moments I’ve had. But you know what I remember? The guy that was nervous, quiet, awkward … bumping teeth during the kisses … fumbling with clothes. It was real, genuine, we were both paranoid about our bodies and oh-so-awkward —but I loved it. It was sweet, sincere, and no one has ever looked me in the eyes like that before (I should mention that this was with a friend I’ve known for 10 years so it was awwwkkwwaaard, ha ha).

    Now you know too much. Maybe you won’t look me in the eyes at the cafe from now on, ha ha ha!!!


    • Linda… I agree that the genuine moments are the beautiful ones.

      The problem is, people often think too much during sex, go up “in their heads”, and stop being in the moment, and in their bodies. Sex becomes about rehearsing moves they’ve seen on TV, read in books, or heard about from a friend. People forget about being real, and true to what they want.

      Talking it out with your partner is great, because it takes away the guessing game of what he/she wants, and lets you travel down from your mind into the spine-chilling, butterflies in the stomach body sensations that we all love so much.

      Great comment, keep ’em coming 😀

  2. dude thanks for this man….

    just wnt through this cos no previous xperience…but
    want first time to be a blast, like dirty kinky filthy and fun,

    i know what i want to do but i want it to be good and bad enouf for the lady, whos quite more experienced, any pointers man…


    • Hey dude, glad you enjoyed the post!

      The key for your first time is to relax, and have fun. You’ll probably be nervous, and that’s no big deal. Just enjoy, touch her, look at her body, and see what she responds to.

      If she moans when you touch her somewhere, do it again. If she shivers when you lick her neck, do it again. If she pulls your hand away from her butthole, you’re probably not supposed to go there.

      Get some eye contact too, if you want it to be really intense.

      Don’t worry so much about dirty kinky etc, but do take charge. Hold her hand, get on top, and do what you enjoy. She’s not going to hold your hand for you.

      Finally, remember that jizzing in a girl’s face for the first time might be too much. Save that for the fifth date 😀

  3. Hey Geek – that was so good! So right on and what its supposed to be! Just found this site – gonna go look around 🙂

    • Hey Anne Louise, welcome to GutsyGeek, I hope you enjoy your stay 😀
      I’m glad you liked the article. It’s based on my own experiences of what’s worked and what hasn’t.

  4. Very interesting read!

    Everything you point out is quite accurate! Being a girl, i can say that it’s very helpful if the guy leads on the first night. It makes the girl way more comfortable, and it’s nice to be with someone who can take charge.

    I was wondering, though… You give tips to guys on how to seduce and satisfy girls, how to work on themselves to attract women, etc. But us girls, there must be something we could do, too! I mean… I would love it if you could write an article on what guys expect from us, what we could do to improve ourselves from a guy’s point of view… Basically, I’d like to know your side of the story.

    People say it’s easy to be a girl. You just have to be pretty and let the man work his magic. But there’s more to it, really. And I bet most girls – geek girls – lack self confidence like me, and would like to know what you guys are attracted to, what turns you on and what doesn’t, what you like in a girl and what you hate…

    I think it’s an idea you should contemplate!

    Keep up with the good work! Your website is awesome!

    • Joannie, thanks for reading.

      I would love to create tips for girls. Unfortunately, not being a girl, I’m not sure if my tips would work. I mean, I know what a woman would need to do to pique my interest, but I can’t say it would be the same for all other men/geeks.

      I have been contemplating the idea for a while though, and am seriously considering teaming up with a girl to figure out what could work for females. I’ll keep you posted 😀

  5. I had REALLY dirty sex last night!, me and my husbend were leaping all over the place!, rolling about on the floor, we were literly humping each other! we were making really rude noises aswell, i was sucking my husbends dick and he was licking and sticking his finger up my V!!!!! then he put his dick in my vagina and we were back to humping each other again, we were having really dirty talks. x

  6. Wow, that’s pretty graphic. I don’t think she needs any advice. 😛

    ~Linda (who used to frequent Wrapcity)

  7. This site is sooo awesome…I just had sex with a stranger last night after a year of no cock at all…we are meeting again tonight…very soon!! I had forgotten what sex felt like, its so awesome I feel like I am in high school again getting laid for the first time…

    I won’t allow my work to rule my social life anymore…thank God bunches for this sweet cock that I am experiencing!

    Hope everyone has great sex like I am going to have tonight!


  8. When I think of dirty sex I think of cumming in her face, cumming in her mouth, cumming all over her tits and rubbing my cum into her skin while I fuck her wet pussy till I cum inside her, all the while telling her how good it feels to be inside her tight wet pussy and how hard she makes my cock, and I love telling her in the dirtiest way possible what I wanna do to her (I wanna lick your wet pussy and I wanna tease your clit with my tongue and lick your pussy like I cant get enough…

    Any comments from experienced woman?

  9. hi

    im the one who always leads I roll her over put her in he back en then on the floor and on the couch every where I like or want to but im not that loud in bed I read this and started tu be louder in bed to show her how much I realy enjoy it and the results were amazing

    she screamed like she never screamed before it was faster more existing and the passion was back

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