It’s occurred to me recently that a lot of what I talk about when it comes to women is very conceptual. The ideas are complex, kind of floaty in outerspace, and not at all concrete.
It hit home when a friend of mine mentioned that he was looking up the best pickup lines. He stumbled across an article from Askmen, called the “Top 10 Effective Pickup Lines” (I’m not linking there, they don’t deserve it), that seems to have been written by someone who’s never met a woman before.
Either that, or like most of the material out there, the writer pulled something out of his ass, having never bothered to try the lines out on actual women.
When I see articles like this, which is what most people will see when they run a google search for “pickup lines”, I am filled with rage. They suggested “Can I interest you in a glass of…?”, which is NOT an opening line. It’s a beggar’s way of buying a woman’s attention.
If the writer was actually good with women, he’d tell you to try and get her to buy YOU a drink. One of my best friends does that regularly, as his personal challenge every time he goes out to meet women. I like to get her to buy me a drink, then joke that she’s not getting into my pants just yet: I’m not that easy.
Ok. Rant over. Now that we know there’s a problem out there, here are the real best opening lines, that actually work, taken directly from my book The Geek’s Guide to Getting the Girl.
How do I know they’re more effective than the ones on Askmen? Because unlike their shoddy staff, I’ve actually tried mine in the only place that matters: the real world.
The 7 Best Pickup Lines In The Universe
1. “Hi, I’m Rami”
This is my standard go to line, I use this one 90% of the time. It’s pretty simple: you walk up to someone, make eye contact, introduce yourself, and put out your hand. Most of the time, they will shake it, because it takes a real psychopath with terrible social cues to resist a handshake, especially when a hand is extended to you. It has the added benefit of teaching you her name, and getting started on that all-important touching.
2. “Whose birthday is it?”
Anytime I see a group of 5 or more girls, without any guys, I assume it’s a birthday. So I walk right up, say “hey guys, whose birthday is it?”. Most of the time, one person will shout “mine!”, even if it’s no one’s birthday. Fun fact: if you confidently walk up to a group of 5+ women, chances are one of them will find you attractive. She’s usually the one that will lie if it’s no one’s birthday. Need I say more?
3. “What are we looking at?”
This is to be used whenever I see a girl looking at something intently. Construction, a fight, a new display, the weird dude behind the counter at the coffee house… whatever. You walk up til you’re side-by-side, look in the general direction she’s looking in, and over your shoulder say “hey (pause), what are we looking at?”. Simple stuff.
Don’t forget to transition the conversation to something else after about a minute, otherwise you’ll be her weird buddy that looks at stuff with her, instead of the cool guy that she’s glad interrupted her staring time.
4. “Hey guys! What did I miss?”
I use this one when I’m not feeling the birthday vibe, but they’re more than 2 people. Works especially well if they’re all seated. If there’s an empty seat, I’ll take it as I deliver the line, it makes things seem more natural. Usually, one person will engage you, and start talking to you, and while she does, someone will figure out you’re not part of the group. At that point, they tend to say “do we know you?”.
Response? “Nope, I thought you looked interesting, so I came to chat.” Then go back to talking about whatever the topic was.
5. “Hi!” (make eye contact) “Let me guess, your costume is…”
The Halloween special. Also useful for costume parties. The key is to guess something completely wrong, every time. Don’t be afraid to go over the top with something ludicrous, as she’ll usually be humoring you, waiting for you to guess right and go away. By saying something hilariously wrong, it’s like you’re teasing her from the get go. Trust me, she’ll love it.
This year, I got a bunch of numbers on Halloween by walking up to groups of girls, choosing one, and guessing she was Walter White from Breaking Bad. If she had friends, I would guess the friend was Jessie from Breaking Bad. Or an Astronaut.
6. “Hi, I’m on my way to X, so I can only stay a minute. I just want to tell you you look super cute in that outfit.”
The daytime opener, which is my go-to pretty much anytime I’m not at a club/bar/pickup environment. I use the classic False Time Constraint, where I say I can’t stay long, so that she doesn’t feel pressured by my sudden daytime approach.
The key is to pause between the “hi”, and “I’m on my way to”, that way she has time to process that you’re talking to her. The next part, where I tell her she’s cute, that can be replaced with nearly anything, like “I just wanted to meet you.”, or “I’m Rami, what’s your name?”.
7. “You’re very cool… too bad you aren’t taller.”
The classic Tall Girl opening line, so effective I wrote a whole post about it. The thing with tall girls is that people always comment on their height, in a surprised, bewildered, or negative kind of way. It gives them complexes, which is not cool. If you’re into tall girls, or just girls that are taller than you, surprise her with this opener, and get a laugh. She’ll find it refreshing that you comment on her height in a way that’s completely opposite to most guys she encounters.
Don’t believe it works? Check out how many tall girls commented positively on the post about approaching tall girls. See? Real world experience (P.S. FUCK YOU ASKMEN).
Now remember folks, these lines are all just openers. They won’t guarantee you a spot in her heart or her bed. They just buy you time before you move onto the next topic of conversation, and your natural charm kicks in. If you think you’ve got these down, continue on your journey by reading up on what to say when you approach a girl, after the opening line.
Oh, and if you’re feeling daring and drunk, try this classic, which in my opinion, isn’t just Robin Williams’s best pickup line: it’s the real best one in the universe.