I know some of you are going to disagree with me, so let’s get an obvious argument out of the way right now.
I personally do not know anyone that ended up in a good relationship from online dating. However, everyone else seems to know someone that knows someone whose sister’s cousin’s best friend’s mailman met his or her current partner online, and they’re getting married soon.
Awww. That’s nice. To them, if they exist, I say “congratulations, I hope it works out.”
To everyone else, I only have one thing to say: stay the fuck away from online dating.
The Odds Are Against You
You may not know this about me, but I worked for an online dating website once. It was a couple of years ago, and I worked in the marketing department. It was the most horrifying job I’ve ever done, partly because of the deranged people I worked with, and mostly due to the insane stats I saw behind the scenes.
Let me put it this way: dating websites don’t want you to succeed. You think they care about you, about providing a good service, but they don’t. In fact, it’s better for them to have you fail on a regular basis, so that you can keep paying their premium fees of $19.99 a month.
They will lie about the latest members that are online, they will lie about the amount of active female members, and they will enjoy taking your money for as long as they can. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen.
Dating websites also have a horribly screwed up ratio of men-to-women. We’re talking about an easy 90-to-10 percent distribution, with the 90 being men. Yep, we geeks are lazy, and love being online as much as we can.
Beat’Em Up Guy! Skill, Faith and Strength!
As geeks, we have a tendency to avoid confrontation in the real world, be it at a club, supermarket, or your buddy’s living room. We play games, and we trash talk each other, but we always reach an amicable conclusion in person.
Enter the online realm, and everything changes.
Have you ever heard of John Gabriel’s Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory? Go ahead and click the image below for the full size. I’ll wait.
Essentially, the theory states that normal humans become complete fuckwads online.
And on dating websites? It’s especially true.
A friend of mine once chatted with a guy who threatened to “hack your computer with a virus unless you show me your tits NAO”. She laughed, and told him to go fuck himself, but that didn’t stop him from threatening her some more for another ten minutes. I guess he wasn’t a l33t h4xor though, because the virus never materialized, and my friend got to keep her tits safe.
Online dating is full of ridiculous events like that. And there’s a reason behind the madness.
The fact that there are 9 men for every 1 woman online creates an insane amount of competition. Whereas average joe has an average shot in the real world, average joe has to fight through a veritable army of men online to get what he wants.
Do you know what kind of guys thrive in that kind of environment? Dudes that don’t give a damn. Example: a guy online will message, in his first week, something ridiculous like 400 women. Do you think he gives a shit about any of those girls? Nope. They’re all just numbers, and if he threatens enough girls with his tits virus, eventually someone will be dumb enough to cave.
As I ventured into online dating for myself, armed to the teeth with skills, I conducted a highly scientific, postmodernistical experiment from the future: I created two women’s profile to see how many messages I would receive.
The profile that had no pictures, no description, nothing except for the fact that I was a woman, received about 3 messages a day for the first few days, before eventually moving out of the “new user” category. At that point I would receive about 1 message every two days.
The profile with a picture and mediocre description received more than 200 messages over the course of 4 days.
Conclusion: as long as you’re a woman with a picture, you’re getting 200 messages. That’s the equivalent of being approached at a bar by 200 different guys. She will obviously receive a crazy ego boost, as all of a sudden she’s a hot commodity. The upside is she feels good. The downside is it makes her extra picky online.
This leads to the guys having to compete more. If the average girls online are hot commodities, and they’re no longer going for average guys, well, the guys need to step it up, and become more than average. They’ll lie through their teeth, because as her standards go up, their lies need to go up too.
Dudes will go to any length to get laid, believe me, and if that involves putting up a fake pic of sixpack abs and filling their profiles with a million dollar job, condo in Monaco, and private jet, they’ll do it.
Well, at the end of the day, the online environment gets really depressing. The sane guys don’t want to fight over the scraps, so they turn off their profiles in disgust. The sane girls are tired of being harassed by lying monkeys, so they turn off their profiles in disgust. Who’s left?
Students that are bored, that want something to do when they’re not on Facebook, or studying for exams.
Women that aren’t exceptional in any way, with incredibly high standards, thanks to the monkeys and their attention.
Men that survived the competition, and have become frikkin’ sharks with laser beams on their heads.They have created a series of messages with high success rates, which all lead to meeting the girl in person, only for the meeting to end in disappointment on both sides because no one is as they seem.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: geeks, there is no substitute for real world interactions. Get out of your house, go to where the women are, and meet someone in real life. Even if you fail, I guarantee you have a greater chance at happiness than if you sit at home and waste time online.
Do you have an awesome online dating horror story you’d like to share? Drop it in the comments!
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