After the pretty lawyer flaked on me a few weeks ago, I deleted her number and went out again. At the club, I chatted up two cute latina girls, both of whom were hilarious and good-humored.
I mean, if there’s one thing that I like more than anything else, it’s for a girl to stroke my ego, so if I meet someone who laughs at my stupid jokes, and cracks some jokes back, getting her on a date is a priority.
And these girls were exactly that. I discovered pretty early on that one of them had a boyfriend. I became buddies with her, and put a little more emphasis on getting her friend.
We talked about our jobs, I made fun of her for being short, even though she’s my height, the three of us went to the bar for some disgusting shots. Pretty soon I had my hand on her lower back, we went to the couch and hung out, and although I was tempted to take her home, logistically it wasn’t possible: she was her friend’s ride.
Instead, I got her number, we hung out til they left, and I texted her something funny on the way home.
About a week later, we were snuggled up, fast asleep in my bed.
How did I get there, without her flaking?
Dealing With Flakes
In case you didn’t read it, go here to see my latest flake story. It’ll give you a good idea of what things look like when a girl flakes, which by the way is totally normal behavior.
As I mentioned above, I didn’t get mad, I just went out and got another woman, who didn’t flake on me this time.
So here are 6 easy tips to prevent flakes as much as possible.
Note: these don’t work 100% of the time. Remember, women are people, not robots, so they all respond differently to different things. These tips will work a lot of the time, but if you encounter an exception, don’t panic. There will be others.
1. Spend Enough Time With Her
If you meet her during the daytime, at the mall, or a coffee shop, this isn’t too important. You’ll probably have been the only guy to approach her while she’s shopping for pottery, so she’ll remember you. But if you get her number at the club, and do it in less than 3 minutes, you can count on the fact that you’re going to be number 3 of 8 guys that did the same.
If you’re getting a number at a club, make sure you spend enough time with her that she’ll remember you the next day. Do something memorable, give her a silly nickname, pretend to be husband and wife, whatever. Just take the time to do it right.
2. Get Her to Talk about herself
When you meet a girl, things get awkward fast if the two of you are quiet. As such, you need to do most of the talking for the first piece of the encounter. Unfortunately, most geeks, myself included, get so carried away that we forget to take a time out, and let her speak. To avoid that trap, I do something very specific: once I’ve talked for a bit, and I’m done with a story, I stop talking.
I look her in the eyes, and give her a compliment that’s not about her looks. Something about her personality. Then I get her to talk about herself. Here’s an example: “you know what? I like that you’re pretty sarcastic. What’s your story?”
If she’s reluctant to talk, I follow up with “everyone has a story. I have one, the bartender has one, that dude with the mohawk has one. What’s yours?”
Once she begins talking about herself, you’re inviting a commitment on her part. And when a woman commits, it’s much harder for her to flake later on.
Man, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you’re not touching, you’re not doing shit. Please, for the love of baby Mario, touch her. Arm, shoulder, elbow, hand, upper back, lower back. Do it. In the story I mentioned, I had my hand on her lower back after a while, and when we were on the couch, I touched her leg and knee. TOUCH TOUCH TOUCH TOUCH TOUCH.
Just remember, not in a pervy way. You do it gradually, and work your way up to more intimate touching based on her reactions. Don’t tap her on the shoulder, then put your hand on her ass. She’ll slap you, and you’ll deserve it.
4. Make friends with her friends
There’s nothing quite like social proof to help a geek out. When I discovered that the friend had a boyfriend, I didn’t flat out ignore her. On the contrary! She was the perfect candidate to be my new advocate.
Think about this: if your friends all hate your new girlfriend, doesn’t that just suck? Same with women. They want a guy that their friends approve of, so make sure her friends approve of you. Be friendly to them, crack a few jokes, make sure they’re part of your fun world. In my case, I included her in all the conversations, and when I wanted shots, I took both of them to the bar.
Once her friend was happy with me, and other people in their group showed up, I told her friend “I’m going to steal her from you for a bit ok? I promise I’ll bring her back.” She laughed, and said go for it.
5. Nicknames and Future Plans
I always give the girls I meet a nickname. It’s an easy way to get into roleplaying: I called my girl shorty, which she constantly fought me on because we were the same height. She ended up calling me tiny, which was hilarious (see? I told you she had a great sense of humor). The nicknames also make you more memorable for later.
I also like to make plans with her right away. Nothing set in stone, but more like “hey, I know this really awesome bar that does marshamallow shots. We should go sometime.” Then when I get her number, I remind her about the place, and tell her a story about why it’s cool.
Why? Because it’s useful to me when I…
6. Text Soon To Keep Momentum
Some really old dating books tell you to wait 3 days before calling someone. They probably also tell you that a good first date involves dinner and a movie. These are all lies.
I text a girl at the end of the night: it’s what I call my quick ping. I usually just text her one word: her name, followed by three exclamation marks. Example: Tina!!!
If I want to be more memorable, I use a nickname. Example: Shorty!!!
Then I wait. She texts back, we do a bit of a back and forth, then I go to bed. The next day, later on, I’ll text something innocuous, or about something funny that happened that day. We’ll banter, and I try to lead into a quick phone call. Some more banter, then I schedule a date, usually at the place I’ve already spoken to her about.
See how it all ties together?
7. The Pre-Emptive Strike
When a woman flakes on you, for some fucked up reason, it makes you want her more. Well guess what? It works both ways. Hate to say it, but nearly every time I’ve cancelled on a girl, we ended up hanging out at a later date. So although I’m not proud of flaking, here’s how you can use it to your advantage.
If you get two numbers, schedule a date with both women on the same night. Then cancel on the one you feel is least interested in you, anywhere from the day before, to a few hours before the date. I’m not a dick, so I usually cancel the day before.
Her interest level will skyrocket.
Similarly, if you’re feeling a girl is going to flake on you, go for the pre-emptive strike: text her before the date, and cancel on her. Come up with an interesting reason, like “salsa class”, “fingerpainting”, “videogames tournament”.
It won’t always work, but sometimes it can get you interest where previously you had none.