How to turn your girlfriend on

We all know the story: when you’re single, you’re dying for some sex, but once you’re in a couple, you just have less and less. I’ve heard this from countless friends that are in long term relationships, or married.

I even had one friend who dated a girl for 8 months before the sex dropped to nearly nonexistent levels.

Well men, I have news for you: you can change this.

Yep, you heard me. See, at the beginning of the relationship, the sex is always going to be rocking. We’re so excited by this other person that we can’t wait to rip their clothes off and get them naked. The sex is new, and electric. You can feel your skin tingling just from being touched by your partner.

However, the passion eventually wears off, and when that happens, it’s your job to maintain it or bring it back.

Funnily enough, there’s no one particular method to do so. You’re going to have to try a bunch of different things. Here’s my checklist.

1. Surprise her

When your woman comes home to you in sweatpants on the couch every night, slouched in front of the TV, she’s not exactly turned on. In fact, she might be completely turned off by the sight, especially if she’s had a long day. But if she comes home, and you’ve set out some low lighting, a bottle of wine, and dinner, you’re getting laid.

I often take it one step further, and tell her to wear something sexy, we’re going out.

Yep, that cheesy Hollywood stuff? It works. Because everyone likes to get romanced. It shows that you’re not taking her for granted or getting lazy.

2. Touch her regularly

I once dated a woman for a year and a half. We were madly in love, and fucked all the time. More importantly, I was always touching her when people were around, and/or groping her in private. Every time she walked by, I put my hand on her hips or ass. When we were sitting on the couch, I had my hand on her knee or breasts. At a club or bar, I touched her elbow, knee, hips, lower back, and anywhere else that was sensual but not overtly sexual.

I did it so much that when I got the flu, and had no sexual energy, she came over to make me soup, and commented on the lack of physical contact. “It’s weird,” she laughed. “I didn’t realize how much you touched me until you stopped doing it.” I smiled, and crawled out of bed to poke her, before going back to sleep.

You should always be touching your partner. It creates a great sense of closeness, and lots of sexual tension. To give you an idea of how important it is, I once hung out with an older couple in their fifties at their house. While we were on the balcony, enjoying the view, he put his hand on her ass. She smacked it off and said: “now now old man, keep your hands to yourself. You’re not getting some til our guest leaves.”

I laughed, but was also amazed. Late fifties and still getting laid regularly? We should all be so lucky!

3. Don’t beg for sex

Sex isn’t a chore, or a gift that your woman doles out to you if you’ve been good. Don’t treat it like candy, and her as your mom, because it takes all the fun out of it. In other words, never ask for sex in a weak tone of voice, never plead or beg for it. You’re better than that, and it’s NOT a turn on for her.

Remember, women like sex as much as we do, if not more. Sometimes, they just need a little push to put them in the mood.

In other words, saying “wanna have sex?” and getting upset if she’s not interested isn’t the way to go. Instead, you should try to…

4. Turn her on

At the end of a long and shitty day at work, most people come home tired, and not in the mood. Your job is to change her state of mind, and turn her on. The easiest way to do it is to get physical. When my partner wasn’t horny, and I was, I would always bring her around like this.

My favorite method is to get her on the couch, and massage her feet. Nothing fancy, just the feet. Then slowly work your way up her legs, and lightly scratch the backs of her thighs. From there, you move to her inner thighs, and things will start to get sexual.

If you’re sitting side by side, it’s very easy to put your hand on her thigh, and then move it down between her legs. Don’t touch her crotch, but keep your hand near there. Tension will ensue.

Alternatively, you can get on top of her, and makeout like teenagers. All women I know love a good makeout session, and it does the same thing to them as it does to us: everyone gets horny, and wants more.

5. Give her orgasms

This one’s kind of obvious, but I had to put it in for all the idiots out there. Women always say that they don’t need to come every time, and this is true. They do, however, need to come most of the time. If you have sex 3 times a week, and your girl isn’t having at least 3 orgasms, you need to brush up on your skills buddy.

Men, don’t forget that this isn’t a complete list by any means. In fact, there are tons of other ways to turn your girl on, so be sure to explore if this list doesn’t work for you.

Ladygeeks, my readers and I would appreciate any more tips you have, so leave a comment and let us know what you think of this.

17 Responses to How to turn your girlfriend on

  1. I must say, I cocked an incredulous eyebrow upon reading this post title. But number 1 did indeed hit home. Nothing has ever been more of a turn on that a clean house, man and dinner :). Props.

    • Thank you ladygeek, it’s much appreciated. Contrary to popular opinion, I’m not all about casual sex.
      I do have some experience in relationships, and it’s worked for me and my significant others so far.

  2. I think this is a great starter list for sure!

    I met a great guy before the holidays and we are dating officially now, and he knows how to get me going, and he does it in the most respectful and gentlemanly ways! I love a man who knows how to treat his woman with respect while getting intimate, and that respect for me is a turn on too!


    • That’s amazing! I’m so glad to hear you’ve found yourself a catch. More importantly, he knows what he’s doing :D

    • Nice dude, glad to hear it! And thanks for the link, it looks like some sound advice from here.

  3. I’ve used a few of these now like the first and second and there’s no lie there, these work really well. My girlfriend and I have gotten a lot closer and a lot more intimate over the past year. So all I can say is thanks a bunch.

    • My pleasure dude! Glad these tips worked out for you.
      If you have any more suggestions for articles that might be relevant to you, feel free to write in. I tend to cover “picking up” more than “relationships” these days, and I can definitely change that.

  4. The hardest part is getting a woman to “come on to you”. Sucks when you’re (the man) always doing the work. I would love if my woman tried to get me in the mood once in awhile. I’ve done the whole dinner, romance and doesn’t always work sadly.

  5. I agree. Do all the things Rami tells you and we’re pudding in your hands AND if you’re not a foot guy, a back rub is always accepted after a long day!

    “Don’t beg for sex”… well, not unless WE tell you too ;)

    That’s probably the only time you should break that rule. Then again, if she’s into that sort of thing you probably already have a pretty healthy sexual relationship.

    • Love this! Thanks for the kind words Jolie.

      And you’re absolutely right: I should’ve mentioned that begging for sex is ok if it’s part of some cool fetish you and your partner have got going. Don’t want to confuse my kinky readers…

  6. I agree with Steve, I’ve been in a relationship for a 1.5 years and the sex has dramatically dropped, after reading this post I do feel I have lacked on some of it and that is part the reason but also in the last 6 months she’s come on to me once or twice that has created something sexual. It almost feels like she doesn’t want to make love to me anymore :( yet everything else is going great so it’s not like the spark is going, its just the love making side :(

    • Hmm, well, using this post is a good place to start to revitalize your sex life. Remember that as a man, it’s your job to kickstart most sexual encounters: men get turned on at the drop of a hat, whereas women need to be seduced into it.

      If you really want her to try seducing you, you need to make room for it. For instance, if your girlfriend and you are making dinner, you could interrupt her for a second, tell her how sexy she is, make out with her passionately for a minute, then go back to cooking. Do this throughout the day, at random times, and she may just jump you at some point.

      Finally, sex is super important to a relationship. If you’re not getting enough sex, you may need to talk to your partner and see what’s up. Not enough sex is a very easy way to get depressed, and could be a sign of deeper relationship problems.

      Email me if you’d like to talk more in private, either by joining my mailing list or by using this page

  7. Oh yeah my boyfriend done all of these and it made me so ******* horny that we didnt even have dinner he just layed me on the couch and came onto me

  8. My girlfriend and I are almost 5 years together now, and very similar as your introduction mentioned; the sex was fantastic and we did it daily. It started to decline in a month to once every 2-3 days, and eventually after a year or two occasional (once a week, 2 weeks). I recognized myself in all of the things stated in this article.

    I came here due to the fact that ‘nothing’ (really) works. I’ve tried a lot of these tips a few years back by magically figuring them out myself (lol) but they turn out to be ‘hot fixes’ (no pun intended), instead of long-term solutions for getting it.

    I think I can be truthful in saying I’m pretty good in bed. When we – eventually – have sex, I can get her; a red head, shaking, screaming, semi-unconscious (iykwIm), (and sometimes) to squirt. And all this in a good way of course. And all the other things, I tried it and it worked out then, but now: not so much.

    She says she doesn’t even masturbate that many times a month. So it might be a physical or mental problem with her.

    Anyways, we are almost together for 5 years, and I am still in love with her. She wants to marry me, live together, and have kids. So I’m almost sure she loves me back. And – better said now than misunderstood later: – I didn’t gain weight, gotten physically/mentally handicapped, or haven’t gotten an erectile dysfunction.

    Well, that’s about it.. Anybody any tips? ;)

    Excuse me in advance for this tl:dr (sex)life-story of a random dude on the internet. :)

    • Hey Henry, thanks for replying. It seems that you’ve tried all the hot fixes, and nothing’s working out.

      The only thing left to try is having a talk with your girlfriend (which ironically is the first thing every man should try). You need to let her know that men express affection through sex, and it’s a really important thing to us. And obviously, to you.

      If you’re going to stay with her, you need to work out a compromise: otherwise, you’ll end up resenting her, and this will be a factor in killing your relationship. People that think sex isn’t important to love are deluding themselves.

      So, When she’s not in the mood to have sex, but you are, she could try other ways to get you off (blowjobs come to mind). In fact, if my girlfriend isn’t in the mood to get down, I don’t actually want to have sex with her. It’s never fun when you’re into it and she’s not. When that’s the case, I’d rather get the bj. She doesn’t need to be turned on for it: as long as she wants you to be happy, she’ll put in the effort to get you off. You can’t force her sex drive to increase, because it doesn’t work that way, but if she cares, she’ll try to take care of your needs, just like you take care of other needs of hers (sexual or nonsexual).

      To promote this behavior, always always ALWAYS positive reinforce the oral sex she gives you. Be ecstatic. Tell her you love her. Buy her her favorite magazine. Take her out. Whatever. SHOW HER HOW MUCH HAPPIER this behavior (blowjobs) makes you.

      And if nothing works out… I hate to say it, but I’d break up with her. People need to be compatible on all levels, not just emotional and intellectual. Physical matters, and if your physical needs aren’t taken care of, then one day down the line, some hottie is going to come and give you some attention, and you are going to cheat on your girl with her.

      Don’t be that guy: figure it out now.

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