We all know the story: when you’re single, you’re dying for some sex, but once you’re in a couple, you just have less and less. I’ve heard this from countless friends that are in long term relationships, or married.
I even had one friend who dated a girl for 8 months before the sex dropped to nearly nonexistent levels.
Well men, I have news for you: you can change this.
Yep, you heard me. See, at the beginning of the relationship, the sex is always going to be rocking. We’re so excited by this other person that we can’t wait to rip their clothes off and get them naked. The sex is new, and electric. You can feel your skin tingling just from being touched by your partner.
However, the passion eventually wears off, and when that happens, it’s your job to maintain it or bring it back.
Funnily enough, there’s no one particular method to do so. You’re going to have to try a bunch of different things. Here’s my checklist, taken from the relationship section of The Geek’s Guide to Getting the Girl.
1. Surprise her
When your woman comes home to you in sweatpants on the couch every night, slouched in front of the TV, she’s not exactly turned on. In fact, she might be completely turned off by the sight, especially if she’s had a long day. But if she comes home, and you’ve set out some low lighting, a bottle of wine, and dinner, you’re getting laid.
I often take it one step further, and tell her to wear something sexy, we’re going out.
Yep, that cheesy Hollywood stuff? It works. Because everyone likes to get romanced. It shows that you’re not taking her for granted or getting lazy.
2. Touch her regularly
I once dated a woman for a year and a half. We were madly in love, and fucked all the time. More importantly, I was always touching her when people were around, and/or groping her in private. Every time she walked by, I put my hand on her hips or ass. When we were sitting on the couch, I had my hand on her knee or breasts. At a club or bar, I touched her elbow, knee, hips, lower back, and anywhere else that was sensual but not overtly sexual.
I did it so much that when I got the flu, and had no sexual energy, she came over to make me soup, and commented on the lack of physical contact. “It’s weird,” she laughed. “I didn’t realize how much you touched me until you stopped doing it.” I smiled, and crawled out of bed to poke her, before going back to sleep.
You should always be touching your partner. It creates a great sense of closeness, and lots of sexual tension. To give you an idea of how important it is, I once hung out with an older couple in their fifties at their house. While we were on the balcony, enjoying the view, he put his hand on her ass. She smacked it off and said: “now now old man, keep your hands to yourself. You’re not getting some til our guest leaves.”
I laughed, but was also amazed. Late fifties and still getting laid regularly? We should all be so lucky!
3. Don’t beg for sex
Sex isn’t a chore, or a gift that your woman doles out to you if you’ve been good. Don’t treat it like candy, and her as your mom, because it takes all the fun out of it. In other words, never ask for sex in a weak tone of voice, never plead or beg for it. You’re better than that, and it’s NOT a turn on for her.
Remember, women like sex as much as we do, if not more. Sometimes, they just need a little push to put them in the mood.
In other words, saying “wanna have sex?” and getting upset if she’s not interested isn’t the way to go. Instead, you should try to…
4. Turn her on
At the end of a long and shitty day at work, most people come home tired, and not in the mood. Your job is to change her state of mind, and turn her on. The easiest way to do it is to get physical. When my partner wasn’t horny, and I was, I would always bring her around like this.
My favorite method is to get her on the couch, and massage her feet. Nothing fancy, just the feet. Then slowly work your way up her legs, and lightly scratch the backs of her thighs. From there, you move to her inner thighs, and things will start to get sexual.
If you’re sitting side by side, it’s very easy to put your hand on her thigh, and then move it down between her legs. Don’t touch her crotch, but keep your hand near there. Tension will ensue.
Alternatively, you can get on top of her, and makeout like teenagers. All women I know love a good makeout session, and it does the same thing to them as it does to us: everyone gets horny, and wants more.
5. Give her orgasms
This one’s kind of obvious, but I had to put it in for all the idiots out there. Women always say that they don’t need to come every time, and this is true. They do, however, need to come most of the time. If you have sex 3 times a week, and your girl isn’t having at least 3 orgasms, you need to brush up on your skills buddy.
Men, don’t forget that this isn’t a complete list by any means. In fact, there are tons of other ways to turn your girl on, so be sure to explore if this list doesn’t work for you.
If you want to read up on more tips to help your relationship out, check out my book (shameless plug).